Creative Living
My dream of 2012 Hill Country Discoveries
As I lay in bed this morning, probably looking like a zombie pooped from the night before, you’d be surprised to know that in that very moment, there are myriad ideas bouncing off the walls of my mind.
I’d just had a dream that I was walking the grounds of a colorful mission estate in San Antonio.
The picture above is actually Bellas Artes with the Iglesia de las Monjas in the background in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato but hey! I’m trying to “put you there.” It seems this picture is what my subconscience drew on for imagery while I slept.
At first glance, the whole place was empty and it was just me and a few other people, including my husband who went venturing off on his own with my camera- the Nikon D5000 one! I was a bit annoyed by that, because I was left to work with a Kodak camera that I once used in 2000 on a trip to San Francisco for my 21st birthday. I wasn’t used to handling this little camera anymore.
When I think about what it feels like to hold my Nikon, it takes both hands to get the right shot and it can feel like I’ve got the whole world in the palm of my hands…or at least an image of it.
So I walked around the grounds of this rustic mission that was built who knows when and I was so impressed with the architecture and the huge bells used to call the faithful, and especially thrilled by the clear blue sky and occasional streaks of clouds that served as the backdrop.
Eventually, there were tons of people strolling alongside me, weaving in and around corners, going up and down iron wrought stairs. The food stands and little trinket shops had opened up for the day.
Soon, I awoke from the dream and began to think about all that is to be for The Convivial Woman in 2012.
With this move to Austin, I see myself discovering a whole new terrain of the state of Texas. Who are the people awaiting me on this new journey?What will I find in this new world I call home? What will I learn about myself and my own pursuit of life, love and happiness?
I’m going to discover all the little things that some might find weird, or not so weird, about Austin. I’m going to go in search of the puffed tacos in San Antonio that my Food Network Star crush challenged on his show, Throw Down with Bobby Flay.
Anyway, that’s what the next year has in store for me and you- discovering Austin, San Antonio, Fredricksburg (the cute little German-influenced town my grandma Lupe always talked about), and the hill country.
And something tells me there’s going to be a more fierce rebirth of my love and appreciation for the Tex-Mex culture (“my people”) in this part of Texas. I see more cumbias, more accordions, more queso (but not too much! This waist of mine is working that muffin top! I gots to control it.) and oh so much more. I can’t wait.
It’s a new dawn…it’s a new day…and I’m feeling (more than) okay.
TweetCHOOSING (where) TO LIVE: following my heart to Austin, TX
In 2009, I took this picture while showing my husband around Austin, Texas. We were passing through a random neighborhood near downtown and a small sign hanging to the side of this home’s front door caused me to hit the brakes and reverse with tires screeching, saying, “Oh my God, I don’t believe this!” When my husband got a closer look, he was just as baffled. More on the sign’s message soon…
Two years later, I’m here to tell you my family is moving from Dallas to Austin, TX. This potential move has been at the forefront of our dinner table conversation since I first proposed the idea in 2009, so it’s cause for me to jump for joy!
There were many times I thought it might not ever happen
-initially, my husband wasn’t eager about starting over in a new city. Most men aren’t. However, he eventually grabbed onto the anchor I kept throwing out to him from my imaginary turquoise-colored sailboat. You know, the one I’ve yet to buy to set asail on the waters of Lake Travis…it’s on my To-Have list once I settle in Austin. Hey, who said dreams can’t have a domino effect?
Before The Convivial Woman came to be, this space was known as Convivial Society and the mantra I was inspired to live by was
“Know Your Power. Live Your Life.”
For many years, I had this lingering feeling of resistance when it came to settling down in Dallas. Big D was where I was brought by my parents at age 16 to live after my brother started getting involved in Chicago street gangs.
I finished high school here, got my start in Banking while I put myself through college, thus graduating from The University of Texas at Dallas, and I found love and got married here.
I was busy and had my head in a lot of things, but once all those projects were complete, my heart was free to roam.
I acquired many friendships and enjoyed living five minutes away from mom and dad, but still…every time I’d travel, there went that lingering feeling again.
Initially, I wanted to move to San Francisco or back to Chicago, but I allowed outside factors and other people’s feelings to get in the way of my personal endeavors. So, I stayed put. I tried the whole “Change your thoughts, Change your life” mentality and told myself, “If Mark Cuban can make it here, I can too!” But I was lying to myself which only fueled the fire within.
I’d already had my first son, a cute little house and two dogs to call home, but it wasn’t all I envisioned. Was I an unsatisfied, ungrateful woman for wanting more, or perhaps just something slightly different? I didn’t think so.
I was willing to make adjustments and be flexible in my dreaming, but not fully surrender it.
Knowing that I didn’t want to venture too far from mom and dad (for grandkids sake- I know what it’s like to grow up without extended family and holiday get togethers) I decided if there was anywhere in Texas I wanted to be, it was Austin.
I tapped into my 6-year-old little girl’s mind and remembered the hills and winding roads, the sweetest summer time nectarines picked up at H.E.B., the grandeur of the state capitol building, and the feeling of care-free joy when I visited my family in this Texas town. It truly felt like a homecoming for me. Every time. Can’t forget to mention my first tour of 6th street riding on my uncle’s Harley at 16 years old!
Austin reminded me of my family, my roots, something so familiar to me, so I set my sights on her and gathered the courage to tell my hubby.
It was a bumpy ride at first, but I told myself that compromising this feeling would be fatal to my fierce spirit.
There were times when it seemed not worth fighting for, but as I stared out toward my backyard one morning, I remember thinking to myself (just as a tear rolled down my cheek) that I’d be a hypocrite to talk the talk of “Know Your Power, Live Your Life” if I didn’t walk the walk and fight the fight…IF it had to be one at all. It was a true test of will and desire and thankfully, my husband and I made it happen… together. That is KEY.
In the early stages of this dream, when it seemed hard to get on the same page, I once imagined myself driving down I-35 toward Austin, yelling out the window like Winona Ryder in Mermaids, “I wanna lead a violent and exciting liiiiiiife!”- with belongings in tow and hubby tied up in the trunk, of course. There’s a Thelma and Louise aspect to me, but I wasn’t determined to make it happen that way!
Compromises can be made, but when it comes to what makes you happy, if the other doesn’t give you a chance to explore that feeling, then there are other issues to consider between the two of you.
And the compromises have to feel good for both or they’ll resurface in other ways later. So, be true to you and everyone reaps the benefits, even if there’s resistance at first.
So, we’re off to the state capitol of Texas and in search of our next home! It’s bitter sweet to be packing up and a surreal sensation to be the one putting up the “For Rent” sign in front of my house. Kinda felt like I was in an old school 21st Century real estate commercial!
Now, about that sign on a random house in Austin two years ago…
When it comes to listening to my heart and being the one to choose a place where I could feel truly at home, here’s why I believe someone, somewhere, somehow was conspiring in my favor two years ago…it said:
Know your power…Live your life. Indeed.
P.S. What deep desires have you been shoving to the back burner? How badly do you want to taste them? What’s it going to take for you to act on them? I’d love to hear from you!
Tweet
A Convivial Homecoming: A Return to Chicago and Myself
After the dip, there’s only one way to go and that is up.
Taking a trip back to my hometown of Chicago, the place where I spent the most influential years of my life, proved to be a great way to bring me back to the core of who I am after I’d experienced a dip in my own life.
During my time there, my hubby grabbed us some wheels at Bobby’s Bike Hike and we biked from Navy Pier along the lakeshore to Fullerton avenue to Clark street to Wrigley Field and all the way back down Clark to the Willis Tower! If you’re a local, you’ll know how much distance we covered! If not, I’m gonna guess we did about 15-20 miles.
I gathered with my old neighborhood pals, friends with whom I kept the Sabbath day holy (back in my parentally-imposed religious days), and with grammar school chums.
Among other typical tourist spots, we also (more…)
Tweet5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression
Hey Convivial world of mine!
It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.
Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.
I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.
Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!
I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own
BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.
Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.
The Scoop on how things went down…low. (more…)
TweetBehold: The Official Anthem of The Convivial Woman
It’s a great day when you hear a song that touches you, speaks to your heart, expresses how you feel or want to feel.
I’m writing at 6:45am, because 1) I haven’t been able to sleep all night, and 2) I’ve finally stolen time away for myself to share this news:
I’m officially adopting a song for The Convivial Woman!
First, let me tell you which songs it will NOT be: (more…)
TweetMy Father The Hero
As a little girl, I didn’t get the experience of being “Daddy’s little girl.”
I can’t remember a tender moment between just the two of us, father and daughter until I was about 18 years old. I don’t recall him ever looking sweetly at me and making me feel special. He only knew to wake up every morning and head off to work to provide for me every day.
He made his mistakes with me, but thankfully, as I became a teenager, I came to understand that it wasn’t that he didn’t care or love me; he simply didn’t know how to express his fatherly love toward me.
Luckily, he loved the hell out of my mother and without realizing, he taught me how a man should love a woman. (more…)
TweetConvivial Minds Want To Know
A man named, Mike Klinger recently shared these words with me and his 30,000+ Facebook fans:
“Asking questions that leads one to discover (things about yourself, others, so-called facts & all that’s around you) is in of itself a path to BALANCE & understanding. No need to know all the answers–Asking the questions moves you there.”
For the record, I have a serious crush on this man’s mind. His words made me think of the time my friend said, “You’re a person who requires a lot of answers.” I’d never thought of it that way, but it’s true. To some, or many, this could translate to being considered a difficult personality. I do feel misunderstood, at times.
For instance, this way of being can get me into trouble with my husband, because a woman who requires a lot of answers might make a man feel like he has to answer to her. Uh oh, watch out for that manhood. That’s never my intention, but the fact is I always want to know what the plan is, where we’re at, how we’re doing. So, yes, I be workin’ some nerves on occasion, but I don’t hold back, because I do it for the good of all involved. There are times when I practice holding back my burgeoning questions and opinions when love is simply needed. Never easy to do and I don’t always nail it.
I require a lot when it comes to storytelling too. (The writer in me is giggling). This same friend was sharing a story and the amount of details they were offering wasn’t working for me, so I began shaking my head as if not enough and said, “I need you to PUT ME THERE.” I’ve also asked my friend to “give me a visual” when needed and my dry eraser board has had maps and mazes drawn on it. Just kidding about the mazes, but it does get pretty entertaining between my friends and I.
I simply want to understand better…deeply…completely.
I like to experience in every way I can, so if something isn’t clear or doesn’t feel right, I pose a question.
When it came to dating, that’s a time when I wasn’t easily won by words.
NOTE to all the single ladies (now put your hands up!):
Men will tell you what you want to hear to get those panties. I always tell my single girlfriends on the prowl, don’t let the guy know (gasp) what your standards are. Let him show you what he’s working with and if he’s willing to work for you. Otherwise, you’re giving him the script to follow and he will act the part if you make it too easy for him. You’ve gotta test ’em without testin’ them or you’ll never know if he’s the real deal or just sending the ambassador. If he meets your standards without knowing or trying, then YOU will know and you will give him a go.
Convivial minds want to know as much as possible, because it can validate so much about how you feel, see the world, and treat yourself.
After reading Mike’s quote, I’m okay with being confused for a difficult personality. I won’t feel bad for asking questions, whether tough or just plain dumb. It takes courage to ask. I’m not someone who requires anyone to answer to her, but I am a woman who requires a lot of answers.
Ahh…sublimely complex never sounded so good…
Are you fond of feasting, drinking, and good company? Join me and my newest creation, The Convivial Supper Club, an intimate tribe of women who gather monthly to dine and enjoy thought-provoking guest speakers, mini-workshops and round table discussions! Come mingle and connect on a deeper level with other women who want to know- when it comes to a woman’s experience- what’s going on…what’s going on. (I always liked that Marvin Gaye song.) Get your invitation to the next dinner here!
TweetNew word for the Convivial Lexicon: Experimenteurship + My Adventures in Life Coaching
“View everything you do as an experiment. The purpose of an experiment is to gather data, to learn something you didn’t know before. The beauty of viewing everything you do as an experiment is that you can never fail. There is no such thing as failure, only opportunity to learn, grow, and renew your determination.” -Susan Page
Recently, entrepreneurial rocker chica, Sally Hope gave credit to @tmfproject on facebook and twitter for saying, “Entrepreneurship should be called “Experimenteurship,” since that’s really what it is.” When I read that line, I could totally relate, because I’m an entrepreneur in my soul and am constantly experimenting. It’s not always easy to give something new a try, let alone tell the masses, “Hey! I’m going to do this,” and then after some time dabbling in it, change your mind.
This new word in my convivial lexicon, Experimenteurship, sparks a memory of the day (more…)
TweetHonoring soldiers in Historic Stockyards
This past Memorial weekend, I had no big plans for cookouts or chowing down on turkey legs or anything like that, but I was able to escape to funky cow town, Ft. Worth, TX to stroll their Historic Stockyards. It never fails to be a convivial way to spend the day…
He ain’t no Tonto.
Site of the next Convivial Supper Club?
Cowgirl body art
Saddles for bar stools…oh yeah, giddy up.
Handsome urban cowboys can call me Sissy anytime.
My utmost gratitude goes out to our military for the freedom I experience on a day to day basis.
3 Tips To Fight The Funk
I had plans to visit a friend today, but she was sweet enough to let me know that she was not in the best of moods and wouldn’t be the best of company. How considerate. Really. It is.
I was going to respond via text to lift her spirits with some convivial tips, but instead, decided to dedicate this blog post to her bad mood and give my recommendations here.
Tip 1: Understand and accept that it’s okay to want to be left alone and to express it if you need to.
If the other person on the other side doesn’t understand, well then, I guess they’ve never been in a bad mood before. Do your best not to take it personally and make the situation about your own feelings and emotions. You’ll spare yourself a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.
Tip 2: Go Erin Brokovich on their asses- if you need to.
Or you could just practice going off in the privacy of your own home or in your journal. Expressing yourself by way of cursing can lift your spirits. So long as you’re not the one getting cursed at! Don’t believe me? Read on…
Cursing is a proven way to relieve pain
Yes, proven! Read this TIME Magazine article and be convinced.
I found myself letting some f-bombs explode this morning while talking with two of my dearest friends. I was feeling frustrated and didn’t hesitate to sprinkle in a good helping of the f-word and the mother of all f-words. When my friends validated my feelings by listening, the mood had passed. NOTE: Choose your audience wisely…save this type of free speech for folks who won’t be easily offended or judge your language.
I used to feel guilty that I might sound un-lady-like or that I was giving into a negative energy, but fuck that. I drop ’em like it’s hot now, because it makes me feel tingly where I’m feeling fiery. I’m well aware that these tips may not be for everyone, so if you’re too (fill in the blank) for all this freedom of speech, well, then you can just go and…
Tip 3: Occupy your mind by doing something that you enjoy or you know you’re really good at.
You’ll distract your mind for a good while and even boost your confidence back up, which thus results in a better sense of self and – et voila!- good mood. You’ll be back to good ole you in no time!
That’s all folks! Feel better and be good to yourself!
“Up” Your Convivial Game: Part III
Decision Three: Choose your company wisely / Invest in your dreams
In this last episode to my 3rd part blog series of “Up” Your Convivial Game, let me tell you about a plane ride I took from Dallas to New York City last fall.
I was at a point when I was eager to start focusing on some personal goals; I’d been all about my family and would always be about them, but in order to contribute and share a better understanding of the world with my two sons, and to share my gifts with the world, I still have to go out and live in this world and pursue some dreams of my own. Otherwise, who the hell am I to tell my children to follow their dreams, have no fear, and that anything is possible and worth exploring? And what sense of conviviality can I preach if I don’t experience it for myself?
It was early fall and I was ready to “up” my convivial game, so I’d entered into a contest to win a free ticket to Marie Forleo’s Rich Happy & Hot LIVE in New York City- an event about making money as a woman entrepreneur, and focused on health, relationships, soul, happiness, and making a contribution in the world. It had my name all over it.
Once the results were announced and I learned another gal had won, I accepted my fate and knew that if I wanted to go, I would have to pay my own way. Normally, the story should end there, but for defiant creatives like me, it was just the beginning. (more…)
TweetTaking The Stage, Fear and All
In a Ted Talk given by Sarah Kay of Project V.O.I.C.E., she recites two poems and speaks candidly about the power of the written word spoken aloud. There was a moment during her talk when her nervousness was evident; she was even bold enough to call herself out on it while on stage. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person to connect with her in that moment when she showed us her humanity.
Her sense of playfulness, energy and spirit resonated on a deep level with me, and although she’s a seasoned spoken word artist, she still experiences nerves on stage, but no matter the fear, she does it anyway.
Performing ones words on a stage is risky business.
I do it here and occasionally exit this virtual stage for a real one at say a workshop, networker or a convivial gathering. Every time I think of getting up in front of people, I imagine all chairs screeching so audience members can get a better look at me, and the nerves come out to play, but…I do it anyway. I recognize that one aspect of my discomfort in having all eyes on me is the introvert in me, but thankfully, I’m affable and can balance it out. The bigger part is simply a matter of more practice. Just as babies don’t walk out of the womb, neither should we think our fear of the unknown or stepping out in front of people to do what it is we do (or want to do) can be overcome in an instant or banished altogether.
