The Art of Convivial Living
My Adventures as a Convivial Austinite + Finding the Places That Bring You To Life
I’ve been living in Austin for four months now. My husband and I have been in the throws of looking for a house and we’re discovering so many areas and details about this town because of it.
If you ask me for the zip code of any area surrounding downtown Austin, I bet I can tell ya! I’ve driven all the neighborhoods and have determined the ones whose vibe seep deep into my soul.
I’ve flip flopped back and forth between wanting to raise my kids in the outskirts of the city (aka suburbs) and the inner city and I keep coming back to the city.
I grew up in Chicago and my husband grew up in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, so we were used to seeing people walk up and down the streets, hang out on their front steps, play football in the street, wave to the police, wash our neighbors cars during spring break, play basketball at the neighborhood park, walk to the corner store, and so many more unforgettable memories.
I didn’t go to the most prestigious urban schools- my folks were hard-working people just doing their best to put food on the table and clothes on our backs- but I can tell you I got schooled by the exposure I had living in the city. I’ve got street smarts up the wazoo!
I cherish my upbringing and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Now that I’m a parent, I plan to enhance my children’s education by not only finding them great schools (it’s important to know what that really means for you), but also granting them exposure to city living, because there are myriad things to learn by simply living among all kinds of free-thinking individuals.
I am not going to be a parent who relies solely on the school system to educate my sons.
I don’t plan for my kids to live in a pristine neighborhood that resembles Pleasantville. Nothing against those areas, or the people who prefer to live there, but to me there’s so much more to life than having a well sculpted lawn, a nice car in the driveway, and a pretty box made of bricks to call home.
I want edgy, cultural, unexpected experiences. I want eclectic, progressive-thinking, out of the ordinary people surrounding my family.
I want people who know the value of investing in the community they live in (and I don’t mean just money, but time) and not just buying into one that is already established.
My mother is visiting me for the second time around and I have been pleasantly surprised to find out that the neighborhoods in the city that I fell for appeal to her too and remind her of her own upbringing.
I take that as a great sign that there’s something familiar pulsing beneath the trees and the streets of the city spots I keep coming back to.
I remember my days in Dallas when I was itching to experience other urban lands and my husband would (nay)say, “Change your thoughts; it’s not Dallas, it’s you.” Well, he couldn’t have been more right! It sure as hell was me and there was no avoiding my feeling.
Pay attention to the places that bring you to life. You will feel it the instant you set foot on the ground.
Some places just don’t get you and vice versa. You can change your thoughts all you want, but your gut (that spot near your hips) don’t lie.
It took me five years to follow my instinct to the place where I felt at home with myself. That feeling reaches deep within and is undeniable. The first week that I got to Austin, I felt this inner calm and felt no desire to be anywhere except the place where I was standing. It felt so good.
It sucks to live each day with the attitude of “Anywhere but here…”
Your life is all about venturing out and discovering where YOUR proper place is, which can be many places. Sadly, many well-meaning people who love you can get in the way of that if you let them. Be courageous and follow your bliss.
I’ve got five places that I can easily call my soul’s home- San Francisco, Chicago, Austin, San Miguel de Allende, and Florence, Italy. And I don’t mean to use pretty language when I say “soul’s home”…I literally mean it, because I felt it the moment I walked the streets of each distinct location.
Places can make a person just as much as a person makes the place.
Getting out every day to discover something new about Austin is what I’m living for these days.
Today I hiked a scenic point overlooking the Austin skyline with my mother and two boys. My oldest son, now 4 years old, led the way and feisty mama wasn’t too thrilled that she had to hike in sandals, but we worked it out!
Sometimes, life takes you away from the things you think you should be doing to give you the material and wisdom you need to do what you’re meant to do.
It’s all about surrendering to the direction your life wants to take you. Only you can steer that wheel. If you let someone else take control of it, who knows where you’ll end up.
Which risk do you want to take?
Transitioning from one place to another is never smooth or stress-free, but I am thankful I had the will and the courage to make the move…even if I had to do a good bit of ball-busting to get here.
Listen to what calls you and what haunts you, because there’s something magical and scary and exciting on the other end just waiting for you to take that first step towards living how and where you are meant to live.
Sincerely,
Unexpected Movie Night + The Pure Talent of Jonsi
I rented the movie We Bought a Zoo for my boys the other night, but I ended up watching the film solo since both little warriors knocked out on me.
There I sat watching the story of a newly widowed father and his two young children. They were trying to figure out how to go on with life after the death of their wife and mother.
I hadn’t seen any previews nor heard anyone rave about the film, so it really was just a casual grab at the good old Redbox near my home. (Psst…that’s exactly how the best and most memorable experiences of your life tend to begin.)
Come to think of it, I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate greatness knowing damn well Matt Damon would be starring in the movie.
The experience I took away from this work of art consisted of tears, major heart palpatations, more tears, and just an all around warm feeling in my body.
I couldn’t help thinking about Matt Damon, a husband and father himself in real life, and wondering what motivated him to take on this role.
We’re all used to him busting equations at Harvard, running from the adjustment bureau, or motivating soldiers in the green zone with one-liners like “Put your f*cking game face on.” I have a certain friend, very masculine in nature, who goes weak in the knees when he hears Matt Damon talk dirty like that.
But in this film, he was simply a man trying to figure out how to start over and starting over proved to be him learning to speak a tiger’s language. Talk about a true character actor.
There was so much about life weaved into this film:
the loss of a loved one,
starting over,
not knowing where or how to begin again,
going where your heart leads you, as crazy as it may appear to others,
the importance of having stories of your own to share,
and really getting the chance to live and take on your own kind of adventure- one that suits you, that is right for you.
You’ll find many beautiful lessons about life, love, leading, taking risks, and letting go throughout the movie.
I felt moved to tears numerous times and highly recommend you watch the film.
I leave you with music by Jónsi from We Bought A Zoo, performing (click below)
Sinking Friendships
The music is the next best thing about the movie! Just listening to it again brings tears. Enjoy!
The Convivial Life, always a Page-Turning Experience
I lay in bed with laptop fired up, ready to turn and possibly type out some of the pages of a journal I’ve kept since December 2002.
The journal (shown below) was a gift from my brother after I got married. He knew I was headed on a seven city tour of Europe for my honeymoon and wanted me to have what I needed to document my travels.
I didn’t do much writing out there since I was busy being a newlywed woman, skipping along the bridges of Venice, Italy, hand in hand with husband, and snapping photos of Italian women riding bikes in fur coats. But eventually, I did begin to document my life and fill its pages year by year.
As I review this journal, the events of my life are clear: there are details about my last days in Banking, sentiments of fear as I embarked on a new path, that of a writer, pranks I played on hubby before kids; there’s mention of the first business I started, thus getting my feet wet in entrepreneurship, and sweet musings by a new mother that demonstrate the joy and adoration I experienced with my firstborn son.
I’ve changed so much since my hand first wrote in those pages. I’ve grown much wiser, have made plenty mistakes, gained and lost a few friendships along the way, and yet…
Every new day brings the gift of a blank canvas to create more stories, learn even more lessons, to connect the dots of life in so many new ways.
If you look back on the last decade of your life, what memories flash before your mind’s eye?
I bet you’ll see joy, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, periods of confusion and doubt all mixed up and sprinkled about in that visual.
In recounting the memories, the lessons learned, the times you fell and found yourself standing yet again, the people who’ve contributed to your life, the epiphanies had, where they led you, where they continue to lead you, I’m certain you’ll find joy in knowing that it all happened and continues to happen because such is life…a convivial one, that is.
In the comments below, let me know how you get creative in leaving a trail of details that make up your page-turning existence? Are you your family’s historian, snapping pictures of everyone and every gathering? Be sure to get in some of those shots! Or perhaps you’re painting as my husband does, therefore decorating the walls of your home with canvas after canvas of your soul? Do you have a collection of sorts that you will come to be known by? Do tell!
Until the next time,
TGIF: Time to Morph into a Creative Homebody
Spent the day at Phil’s IceHouse chatting the afternoon away with a fellow creative who is starting her own photography business in Austin. Our kids played in the sun to their hearts content while we discussed our dreams at work.
We both grew up in Chicago and thanks to a mutual friend, we have discovered much in common: (more…)
TweetIn May: Up Close and Personal Blogs All Month Long
The month of May, I’m opening up the windows and letting in some fresh air for the blog to breathe in.
I’ll be putting the convivial agenda aside (temporarily) and will bring another version of Cheryl the writer. The Convivial Woman is going to read like a personal blog, very Dear Diary-like, so bear with me during this brief experiment of creative self-expression. Johnny Drama’s on board with me! Woo! How about you?
Any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you. – Carlos Castaneda
Recently, I logged into an old personal blog I’d created on google when I became pregnant with my firstborn son. I was hormonal, physically expanding, and feeling creative after reading the book Writer Mama.
It was daunting to open the world that existed in my head to others, even if the others were my closest friends and family.
I put fear aside (after a few deep breaths, of course) and began to write and share my world.
In looking back on those musings, what a different writer I see!
That Cheryl was flowing, passionate, and carefree. She said whatever was on her mind and was funny, too. I could tell logic took a back seat to my storytelling skills then. I wasn’t concerned with having a following, a target audience or market, I was simply writing for the love of it.
As I continued reading “myself”, I found it hard to recognize myself! Ever have that happen to you?
You look back on things from your past- photos, writings, artwork, videos of you busting a move, awards and medals won, and you wonder,
What happened to me? Where is that person now?
I’ve not stopped blogging or writing since then, I simply created a new canvas for me to splash colorful words onto, but this go ’round, my desire was to go entrepreneurial mama and “create” a business, a brand, and I called it The Convivial Woman.
But the truth is, I have felt logic overwhelm my writing lately and if you’re creating anything, I’m sure you know that
Logic kills creativity, it drowns out vulnerability, and GET THIS…your art needs your humanity.
Anything you create is about sharing your experience, your life, yourself with the world, yet you have to do it without the intention to want the attention. How contradictory is that?
So a different kind of conversation will be had during the month of May. A more up close and personal one…
Let’s get out for some convivial bonding over an imaginary brunch, lunch, or dinner to your favorite hot spot in town (wherever you may be).
Pull up a chair for the conversation that’s about to be had at this communal table of convivial creators!
If this is your first time here, let me intrrrroduce myself to choo.
I’m Cheryl Chavarria and I’m silly.
So glad you took this time out for yourself!
Are you ready to get convivial with me?
Being that I am here to empower my fellow creatives to nurture the person and the creator in them, are there any particular conversations you want to have?
Dating? Marriage? Parenting? Moving to a new city? Having male friends? What it means to be a pathological optimist? Yeah…I could potentially talk about it all this month.
Send in your questions and let’s have some discussions on what The Art of Convivial Living means to you. ‘Cause this month, I’ll show you what it means to me!
I may even brave putting myself in front of a video camera and posting a vlog or two. I know…I know…it’s been a while since I’ve done that.
Stick around, bring your favorite drink, some friends to join ya, and feel free to hang out as I adjust the blinds to my convivial domain and give you glimpse into what my personal world looks, feels, and sounds like.
Chat with ya soon,
P.S. This is a prelude to the launch for The Convivial Supper Club in my new hometown of Austin, Texas. I’m about ready to bust from the seams with the plans and ideas I have! Are you on the list to get your invitation? Become my convivial VIP here.
TweetThe Convivial Experience of Being an Introvert, or just going solo every now and then
It’s only been in the past three years that I’ve come to realize and embrace my introverted nature. I have my experiences in motherhood and authors like Susan Cain to thank for bringing me to that understanding.
Recently, I went to a bookstore and instinctively reached for this new title
My hand leaped for the book and it proved to be a page turner for me.
Susan Cain’s book and recent TED talk on the subject was equal to her holding up a mirror to all introverts and saying, “You’re right just the way you are…you’ve been right all along.”
The Beauty of Being Alone
When I was 14, I remember (more…)
TweetReady To Show The World How Unrealistic You Are? Join the Convivial Club
Are you at a point in your life where you’re ready to show the world who you really are? What you’re really capable of? The impact you can truly make? Well, let me ask you this.
How willing are you to be seen by others as someone who is…
crazy,
ridiculous,
unrealistic,
unrelenting,
defiant,
heretical,
unrelatable,
incomprehendible,
seemingly not of this world,
naked,
foolish,
ridiculous,
incompetent,
invisible,
untouchable,
uncaring,
nonsensical,
and
at times,
a success,
while
many many other times,
seemingly,
and
undoubtedly,
a failure?
The above mentioned traits, symptoms and sentiments plague yet bring about prosperity among many artists, visionaries, and entrepreneurs who make the conscious choice to be on the front line of changing the world.
It’s only by experiencing, exercising and exhibiting such behaviors and reactions from the world that you can begin to truly walk your path, show the world what you’re here to do, and thus create a convivial life for yourself and others.
Awaken and tap into the defiant creative spirit within you today,
[PHOTO: At a vintage shop in Chicago’s Wicker Park with my dear childhood friends, Cecilia, Carmen, and Lissie. I’m the ridiculous looking one in the middle.)
(Be sure to share in the comments below your thoughts and insights, and if you can think of any more traits that I didn’t think of, add them to the list!)
TweetThe Entrepreneurial Spirit + Living Your Convivial Dream in Increments
It warms my heart to see all of the entrepreneurs out there spreading their message of hope and perseverance through their very example of living it. I know it inspires me every day.
I sit at a cafe and just outside the window, I see a van parked with decals that advertise catering and entertainment services. There’s nothing fancy about the van- in fact, I can see a few scrapes and dings in it.
The letters from the decal are starting to peel off, but the person driving this vehicle, and perhaps running this business is obviously not concerned with the condition of his van…his priority is on having reliable transportation for the chairs, tables, and bounce houses he’s offering in exchange for the cash that goes straight to his bank account. Ah…I see him driving away and silently, I wish him well in his endeavors.
(Note: Not the real van, but play along with me!)
What he is concerned about is paying his bills with the income he has created for himself, about how he’s going to get the next customer, and secure their business.
He’s not sitting in some office, whether it be leased or at home, waiting for the phone to ring. No, he’s hustling to get that business. How he goes about his hustle is what sets him apart from his competition.
Everyday that he is in business for himself, he makes the choice to wake up and face potential risk and rejection, one after another, because he believes he can achieve a sale, and provide a service derived from his own imagining, and deliver happiness.
He believes in himself, even when he doesn’t have all the answers. And believe me, as an entrepreneur, a visionary, an artist, you won’t ever have all the answers. (more…)
TweetRoaring Thunder, Fierce Lightning + Late Night Emails
Hey Yo!
It’s nearly 2am,
the rain is pouring outside
and I’ve just gotta let you know this bit from the depths of my soul:
Give yourself credit for the little things you do EVERY day. Though the results may not show or reveal themselves as quickly, you must work toward your goals with the belief that EVERY thing you do does contribute to the big picture.
Want to live a convivial life? Don’t know how to make it happen or what that actually looks like for you? I hear ya, because I work at it day by day myself. Here’s what I have to say to that…
Trust in that which is unseen,
unknown, and (dare I say it)
uncertain, and
give in to the craziness of your dreams.
I look myself in the mirror every day and fight to heed the words of naysayers. Wanna hear something really outrageous? These naysayers don’t even exist. They are figments of my imagination. They are puppets of my insecure, unrelenting ego- one aspect of me that encourages me to avoid sharing any experience and expression of my vulnerability, my humanity. But the ego is losing right now as I pour my heart out in the form of flowing words for you to read.
Perhaps only an hour before I felt inspired to share these words with you, I was experiencing self-doubt about my abilities and talents. And what brought that on? Spending time watching what someone else was creating vs. creating myself.
I was about to send my mopey ass to bed, but my thoughts were just too much to allow me to get some shut eye, so I gave in to a task that was lingering in the Draft folder of my inbox.
I completed it, took a deep breath before hitting send, then felt the weight lift off of me as it disappeared into cyberspace. The very next moment, I felt different, acccomplished, content. Proof that you’ve gotta get the work done, whatever it may be and you’ll feel better. Et voila!
One simple thing can contribute to the fast progression of your dreams.
I continue to believe that I am here to do something big, something meaningful. The same is true for you! Are you awake to what that “something” is?
I’m grateful to know what I am here to do, but its an ongoing struggle to know the “how” of getting it done. The answers will come for me just as they will for you, so have no worries.
Though it may seem lonely at times, you are never alone in your experience. You simply need to reach out and ask for guidance, help, directions, a tissue, a hug, a laugh.
The lightning is pretty fierce outside right now, the rain is coming down hard, and I sure would hate to find out in the morning that I left the windows down in my car, but for now, I sit here compelled to tell you to BELIEVE in the worlds that exist within your imagination…they are meant to be created and brought to life. Even if its one task at a time, one day at a time, while the rest of the world sleeps.
Sweet dreams,
Tweet
Convivial Mementos and Connections Made
The Interactive conference part of SXSW is over, but the film and music festival are only beginning.
I plan to take my kids to a family event on Thursday and perhaps to some free music shows (before their bedtime, of course!) so they can get properly introduced to the SXSW scene in their new hometown. It makes me so happy to know they will grow up in Austin!
I have these mementos to take home with me along with some new connections made.
Proof that I was here and this experience was real…no need to pinch myself;)
Thank you SXSWi peeps.
See you next year.
Who wants to come with me?
Billy Corgan, Lady Blogs, and Grilled Cheese
My second day at South By Southwest Interactive Conference (SXSWi) was a combination of talks on the state of the ever-changing music industry, and the business climate in general, pissed off artists trying to figure out new ways to put their art out into the world and be appreciated and rightly compensated for their self-expression, and fashion blogs and their links to big company advertising.
It was all very interesting and went down like this…
Before going into my first talk, I stood in line for “The Original Grilled Cheese” and met Myra who recently moved to Austin. She worked in the Gaming industry and was thinking about becoming a mother. We talked about the tough choices women have to make when the time comes for us to sacrifice in the utmost way that we are put on earth to do.
I told her the same thing I’ve said to other woman contemplating motherhood- “There will always be a reason to put it off, so just jump the cliff and join the club, girlfriend.”
I recommended that she read the book, Creating A Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children. Before I had children, I never thought about anything passed the labor experience (you know…like who would take care of my kids and how I would fit work into that equation) and this book gave me reason to think beyond that.
Soon after, I was sitting in the third row, waiting for Brian Solis, one of the most prominent thought leaders and published authors in new media and lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan to begin talking about The End of Business as Usual (the same title for Brian Solis’ book which I will read once I finish the stack of books currently staring at me from the top of my kitchen bar).
As Billy Corgan sat on stage, I instantly thought of my dear friend, Cecilia. When I was 12 years old, she was the one I danced and twirled around with when Smashing Pumpkins’ sang Today. All I have left to do is meet Johnny Depp, Larry David, Julia Roberts, and Laura Pausini. Then I can go to heaven.
Billy Corgan is cool. He not only drops plenty of F-bombs, but is a man of strong convictions and personal integrity. He won’t be exploited; and that manner of being is why we as fans have such wonderful memories with his music, because it was pure heart/art.
I headed back to the Blogger’s Lounge and grabbed some food and to my heart’s content, got this picture and autographed book by author, Hugh MacLeod.
This was a serendipitous moment for me, because it was only two weeks ago that I was at BookPeople doing some writing when I came across a book called Ignore Everyone by this very man. I spent the rest of my time at the bookstore devouring his book and became an instant fan of this writer who now lives in Alpine, Texas.
This gal offered me a ride to my next presentation and was as friendly as any Austinite can be. She’d just spent the past year living in Ecuador and was back home and back to work.
I arrived to the Intercontinental Hotel to hear Indiana Adams of Adored Austin and Alessandra Colaci of the Republic of Wow talk about Blogging: Why So Many Women Are Doing It.
The girls were sweet and my takeaway was this: big companies are looking to work with bloggers to reach audiences and potential customers on multiple platforms. If they see a good fit, they’re willing to work with individual bloggers and pay them. Proof? Folks from Victoria’s Secret and Tide sat in the crowd.
I am convinced this is the conference to attend every year. And lucky me that I now live in Austin!
(my shadow throwing up the Peace sign)
Next on my agenda: convert my husband, Martin from Sunday football watching to Seth Godin reading. Then hopefully, he can be eager to attend SXSWi with me next year and we can make it a couple’s affair.
Night night,
The Convivial Woman at South By Southwest Interactive 2012
Today is the first day of Austin’s South By Southwest Interactive Conference (SXSWi), a much anticipated event that draws entrepreneurs, innovators, and creative folk of all sorts from all over the country and world each year.
I’m grateful to be attending this year. There are myriad speakers and events to pop in on and I’ll be sure to share my takeaways from the events and give you a glimpse into some of the notes I take right here.
For now, I leave you with this reminder as always…
You are a Masterpiece. Live accordingly.
