Video blogs
Dare to Create Conflict
Do you shy away from conflict? If yes, don’t worry…there’s no need to lower your head in shame. You’re not alone in your desire to avoid disagreement or upsetting another with your opinions. I have certainly had my moments throughout life. But I’ve got a curious question for ya.
What if your lack of speaking up and sharing how you feel, what you see, what you believe, and what you have discovered for yourself is depriving others of a more enlightened view on life, or you?
I came across this moving talk on Ted.com (click~>) Dare to Disagree by Margaret Heffernan
where this former CEO of FIVE businesses speaks on the world’s need to be more daring to disagree, to speak up, to break silence, to be willing to see what no one else wants to see. She says,
“When we dare to break silence, or when we dare to see and we create conflict, we enable ourselves and the people around us to do our very best thinking.”
I’m not immune to the fear of conflict, but I am also more than willing to defend my point of view and stand up for myself more than ever now.
When it comes to men-women relationships, I feel strong. I don’t know it all, but I do know how to put myself first and this willingness to keep my personal well-being at the forefront has served me in my interactions with the opposite sex.
However, I have a weakspot for women. You see, I shy away from conflict with women and find that so ironic. My immense love and admiration for women creates this polar opposite effect for me and when I feel let down or disappointed or offended, I haven’t been the best at saying so.
When it comes to my fellow sex, I venture to see the work of art within each woman I come across, but I’ve been naive to think I would always get that same response back. I haven’t- THAT is for sure.
Could it be because I was bullied as a young girl or that I know women can be masters at the art of rejection and disapproval (ask any guy who’s wanted a date or dance with a female or just watch Mean Girls)?
I’ve experienced jealousy, envy and discord among pacts of women, in friendships, in family, and I know that if I truly show up, I will be either shunned or loved. That scares me and I’ve been guilty of playing small to avoid the less than pleasant feeling of rejection, but that is not the point here.
The point is knowing all of that doesn’t stop me from wanting to play a big game in my life and if you harbor the same sentiments, it shouldn’t deter you either.
When you recognize what you fear, what you hold back from expressing, guess what?
That’s your opportunity to embrace that fear and run with it…FORWARD, not backward and express it, do it, share it, say it, create it, because it is a force, a feeling deep within that belongs to you and deserves to be shared with the world in order to live and truly express your convivial nature.
What are those particular situations that seem to repeat themselves and thus bring about negative feelings within you–you know the ones that play over and over in your mind after you find that you didn’t react and say what you really should’ve said? How do you respond? How can you respond differently?
It’s never easy to open up and acknowledge where your work lies, but if you want to reach the other side of that feeling,- the convivial one, the empowered existence of someone pushing past their fears every day- you need to take a good look inside and figure out where the disconnection remains. Examine why you hold back and what can you do to change it.
You are the keeper of your fears, as well as the one who has the power to take the first step toward vanquishing them.
If we can all reach the belief that we have nothing to lose by speaking up, only everything to gain, then we can be certain and feel confident about creating the discussions, the relationships, the outcomes, and the life experience we wish for ourselves and the world at large.
What fears do you want to find a better response to? In what ways do you want to share your best “thinking” with the world even if it runs the risk of creating conflict?
TweetArt is wonderfully dangerous. Are you playing like Julie Taymor?
When the DVD for the movie Frida came out, I bought my copy and watched the bonus features which introduced the film’s director, Julie Taymor.
My husband pointed out her assertiveness, the conviction in her voice, the passion in her eyes. The more I listened to her speak, the more I felt drawn to her as a creative and a woman.
If you’re not already familiar, here’s your chance to meet and appreciate the mind of Julie Taymor as she speaks on the value the Arts play in our health, family, and culture. Click the following video link to view.
JULIE TAYMOR SPEAKS
Here are some of my takeaways, quotes that resonated, memories recollected, and feelings validated…
“The Arts…they’re wonderfully dangerous…I LOVE playing with fire.”
Could I have been aware of this at six years old? This reminds me of the time that I grabbed a box of matches from my grandmother’s house and snuck outside to light them up one by one. I thought I was being sneaky, but it was dark outside and I didn’t think about how the occasional flickering of each matchstick would give me away. The sparks of light lured my mother and grandmother out from where they were conversing and I was caught. That was the moment I got schooled on the dangers of fire, but it would not be the last time I played with it.
“Let’s turn off the lights and tell stories…”
This line from Julie gave me peace about a night time ritual I have with my kids. Every night when I put my boys to bed, I’ll read them five poems and stories from Shel Silverstein’s Where The Sidewalk Ends, or other random books from their collection, and if they’re still unwilling to get some shut eye, I put the books away, turn the lights off and tell them, “Okay, it’s time to use your imagination. Tell your own stories.”
“A whole heart is a broken heart…because through the cracks, the light comes in.”
I think of the many heartbreaks I’ve experienced: friendships gone awry; the times I’ve not felt heard, seen, or understood; the moments when I feel taken for granted; the times I give so much and get no acknowledgment for my efforts; the times I need validation and find out no one can truly offer what I must find within myself…these are the moments when the cracks form and create pain inside, but they are also the moments when enLIGHTenment occurs.
There’s so many other interviews to check out and I hope you feel intrigued to do so. But for now, tell me, what are your impressions after seeing this video? Any insights of your own you’d like to share? You knowwww I want to know. Go on and express yourself in the comments below.
Much love,
Details by La Mari of Chambao
I came across this song on Pandora and the sound, the lyrics, and most of all, the singer, La Mari’s voice penetrated me to the core. Just a beautiful song to share. It’s in Spanish, so I happily translated it to English for those who may not speak as the Spaniards do.
While listening to the music, I felt at peace, hopeful, encouraged, and inspired. I think I even remember physically feeling myself expanding from within, like my body was happy with what it was hearing.
So, whether you’re sitting down to polish up a story, perfecting a presentation, preparing for a photo shoot, growing a miracle inside your womb, or whatever other creative act you have planned for the day, the rest of the week, or year, I hope this song has similar effects on you…Enjoy!
DETALLES / DETAILS by Chambao
Oh…I don’t know…
how to start…
No, I don’t know…how to
Dream,
Grow,
Begin,
Take the step already.
Oh…I don’t know how to start…
No, I don’t know…how to
Dream,
Grow,
Begin,
Take the step already.
To share my yearning to help others…
I give of myself this fresh and new opportunity
Working with
passion,
determination,
and respect…
the light of my conscious
that fills me with peace.
Opening my eyes real well
Paying attention to the details
Awakening my senses,
Uniting my being with the air
Opening my eyes real well
Paying attention to the details
Awakening my senses,
Uniting my being with the air
Escape from time and live without fear
Contemplate life and all of its mysteries…
Listen to the silence and lose myself within it
Find answers among the whispers in the wind
Opening my eyes real well
Paying attention to the details
Awakening my senses,
Uniting my being with the air
Connect with myself and wake up/wise up
Project my happiness, observe
And liberate my mind
To feel with clarity
That there is a new world
And enjoy the present.
Opening my eyes real well
Paying attention to the details
Awakening my senses,
Uniting my being with the air
Opening my eyes real well
Paying attention to the details
Awakening my senses,
Uniting my being with the air
Uniting my being with the air
Uniting my being with the air
Oh, I don’t know…
Here’s to inspirational, motivating sounds,
A Continual Test of Strength: Speaking Up For Yourself
I’m lucky enough to have friends I can look in the face and with whom I can be completely honest.
I’m the kind of personality that doesn’t want to condition people to simply tell me what they think I want to hear.
I want the truth. Even if sometimes it’s not pretty.
For that reason, I use to think that being completely honest with someone, even if what I was saying was hard to handle, was showing that person respect, but not everyone is on the same wavelength. What I continually learn through experience is to
know when to share the truth and when to simply offer love.
I don’t always get it right every time, but my intention is there.
In today’s video, (yes, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a video!) I talk with my dear friend, Nina about this whole business of speaking your truth and letting people know where you stand- politely, of course. We’re all continually evolving and learning, so I hope our discussion serves you well and I encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences on the subject!
We all learn from one another if we’re willing to share.
NOTE: There is a lot of background noise which I tried to minimize with iMovie, but that would’ve minimized our voices too, so please forgive my lack of film editing skills and the background noise and try to focus on us! I’ll get better with time and practice.
P.S. Gotta love those screen shot expressions lol
Convivially yours,
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Taking The Stage, Fear and All
In a Ted Talk given by Sarah Kay of Project V.O.I.C.E., she recites two poems and speaks candidly about the power of the written word spoken aloud. There was a moment during her talk when her nervousness was evident; she was even bold enough to call herself out on it while on stage. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person to connect with her in that moment when she showed us her humanity.
Her sense of playfulness, energy and spirit resonated on a deep level with me, and although she’s a seasoned spoken word artist, she still experiences nerves on stage, but no matter the fear, she does it anyway.
Performing ones words on a stage is risky business.
I do it here and occasionally exit this virtual stage for a real one at say a workshop, networker or a convivial gathering. Every time I think of getting up in front of people, I imagine all chairs screeching so audience members can get a better look at me, and the nerves come out to play, but…I do it anyway. I recognize that one aspect of my discomfort in having all eyes on me is the introvert in me, but thankfully, I’m affable and can balance it out. The bigger part is simply a matter of more practice. Just as babies don’t walk out of the womb, neither should we think our fear of the unknown or stepping out in front of people to do what it is we do (or want to do) can be overcome in an instant or banished altogether.
We never stop fearing. We only get better and bolder at facing it. (more…)
TweetThe PowerHouse Series: Megan Monique Interviews Me
Can you imagine standing in the middle of a football field with friday night lights flashing on you? No one in the stands, no one on the field, just you and everything significant about your life being cast in the spotlight for the world to see.
Could you imagine if there was someone or something out there that could give your life such an illuminating effect? How amazing, enlightening and oh so much fun that would be! Well, guess what? I know someone who is a Life Illuminator and she’s my friend, Megan Monique Harner.
She’s been featured on here once before as a very special model for The Convivial Woman Photography Project: Episode 2 and she offers Life Illumination Courses to anyone who wants to take a magnifying glass to see how wondrous their life already is. I’ve had the chance to peek at some of her course activities and they are really cool. What’s cooler is her course lasts a whole month!
Megan offered me the sweetest gig one Friday afternoon. She asked me to participate in her PowerHouse Series of interviews. Moi? A PowerHouse? But of course! Lights, camera, action! I must say we shared quite the convivial moment together and I’m pleased to share the video here:
The PowerHouse Series with Cheryl Chavarria from MeganMonique on Vimeo.
Get to know Megan Monique Harner by following her on twitter @meganmonique and make sure to check out her Life Illumination Courses if you’re up for some fun self-discovery.
Tweet5 Tips For Getting The Most Out of Your Apology
Recently, I came across Marie Forleo’s video on “How to Give Good Apology,” where she talks about a famous two-letter word we should avoid when wanting to make amends with someone.
Let me tell you, when it comes to committing social blunders or slips of the tongue, I’m your girl! Just like my guy, Lloyd Dobler in the movie, Say Anything (my all-time fave film), I too suffer on occasion from that “nervous talking thing” or as Marie put it, diarrhea of the mouth. The shit just comes out wrong sometimes! A friend of mine calls those “Cheryl” moments.
Bottom line, I’ve had my fair share of fallouts and have made and still make silly mistakes with people, but after a few days of smacking myself upside the head, I forgive myself, because I know I mean well.
For this reason, I didn’t hesitate to hear Marie’s take on a proper apology and as a bonus, I decided to add my two cents on the general conversation of conflict resolution.
In the following video, I share with you the process I go through when it’s time to humble myself and offer up an apology.
NOTE: I filmed on the fly so forgive the “uhhs” and “umms” on my part. I was anxious to hear you say “Ahaaa”.
Just click below and watch me break it down for ya!
…
***
To find out what that word is that Marie was talking about, watch her video here.
Are You a REAL Woman? – Audio Blog
What makes you a REAL woman? How many times have you been coached on how to be a real woman by other women? What wild and silly things have you been told while growing up and even now as a grown woman that make you question your abilities, intelligence and ultiimately, your worth?
I was inspired to ponder these questions while peeling potatoes. The proof isn’t in the pudding, but the potatoes that inspiration can come from anywhere.
In the following audio blog, I share a few stories and thoughts on how the majority of messages we, as women, get that make us feel inadequate and not enough are, most times, perpetuated by other women.
When it comes to men, I’ve only been made to feel bad when showing my strength and will- as in taking initiative and being assertive, self-directed and passionate (their words: Bossy, Demanding, Controlling, Emotional).
I still need to work on those words pushing my buttons, because it’s just that- someone pushing my buttons because they are uncomfortable with me exercising my power. This is just my experience, but I can’t remember a time when a man literally told me I wasn’t a real women. I don’t mean for this to sound condescending or sarcastic, but what do they know about being a woman, hence the reason the messengers are usually women.
Let’s get to this audio already!
LISTEN HERE:
Peeling Potatoes
If you have any similar stories to share, I’d love to hear them so send a comment any time!
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