Wellness & Holistics

6 Convivial Tips To Bounce Back From Rejection

“People will forget what you say, what you do, but they never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou

Rejection…being judged…it happens to us all.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of rejection. Like these moments in particular…

I’m in New York at a conference that promotes authenticity, love, and support for your fellow woman in business. After the first night’s activities, I get invited to have dinner with some women whose work I love and support, then (more…)

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5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression

Hey Convivial world of mine!

It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.

Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.

I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.

Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!

I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own

BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.

Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.

The Scoop on how things went down…low. (more…)

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A Continual Test of Strength: Speaking Up For Yourself

I’m lucky enough to have friends I can look in the face and with whom I can be completely honest.

I’m the kind of personality that doesn’t want to condition people to simply tell me what they think I want to hear.

I want the truth. Even if sometimes it’s not pretty.

For that reason, I use to think that being completely honest with someone, even if what I was saying was hard to handle, was showing that person respect, but not everyone is on the same wavelength. What I continually learn through experience is to

know when to share the truth and when to simply offer love.

I don’t always get it right every time, but my intention is there.

In today’s video, (yes, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a video!) I talk with my dear friend, Nina about this whole business of speaking your truth and letting people know where you stand- politely, of course. We’re all continually evolving and learning, so I hope our discussion serves you well and I encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences on the subject!

We all learn from one another if we’re willing to share.

NOTE: There is a lot of background noise which I tried to minimize with iMovie, but that would’ve minimized our voices too, so please forgive my lack of film editing skills and the background noise and try to focus on us! I’ll get better with time and practice.

P.S. Gotta love those screen shot expressions lol

Convivially yours,

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3 Tips To Fight The Funk

I had plans to visit a friend today, but she was sweet enough to let me know that she was not in the best of moods and wouldn’t be the best of company. How considerate. Really. It is.

I was going to respond via text to lift her spirits with some convivial tips, but instead, decided to dedicate this blog post to her bad mood and give my recommendations here.

Tip 1: Understand and accept that it’s okay to want to be left alone and to express it if you need to.

If the other person on the other side doesn’t understand, well then, I guess they’ve never been in a bad mood before. Do your best not to take it personally and make the situation about your own feelings and emotions. You’ll spare yourself a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.

Tip 2: Go Erin Brokovich on their asses- if you need to.

Or you could just practice going off in the privacy of your own home or in your journal. Expressing yourself by way of cursing can lift your spirits. So long as you’re not the one getting cursed at! Don’t believe me? Read on…

Cursing is a proven way to relieve pain

Yes, proven! Read this TIME Magazine article and be convinced.

I found myself letting some f-bombs explode this morning while talking with two of my dearest friends. I was feeling frustrated and didn’t hesitate to sprinkle in a good helping of the f-word and the mother of all f-words. When my friends validated my feelings by listening, the mood had passed. NOTE: Choose your audience wisely…save this type of free speech for folks who won’t be easily offended or judge your language.

I used to feel guilty that I might sound un-lady-like or that I was giving into a negative energy, but fuck that. I drop ’em like it’s hot now, because it makes me feel tingly where I’m feeling fiery. I’m well aware that these tips may not be for everyone, so if you’re too (fill in the blank) for all this freedom of speech, well, then you can just go and…

Tip 3: Occupy your mind by doing something that you enjoy or you know you’re really good at.

You’ll distract your mind for a good while and even boost your confidence back up, which thus results in a better sense of self and – et voila!- good mood. You’ll be back to good ole you in no time!

That’s all folks! Feel better and be good to yourself!

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ON CONVIVIAL SABBATICAL

For the month of January and to kick off the new year, I’m going into full immersion mode and taking a sabbatical.

As I’ve written throughout 2010 and pondered the idea of a Convivial Society, I have decided that to create and experience such a place, you have to start with the very element that sets its foundation, that gives root to the possibility of its creation and existence, and that is the woman…a convivial woman. For this reason…

I’ve decided to rebrand by changing the name of the site from Convivial Society to… (more…)

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Infertility Treatments for Ambitious Women

I was listening to The Diane Rehm Show on National Public Radio (NPR) and the show was about Infertility’s Legal Issues– the technology available to assist women with conception and how the laws are behind the trend when things go wrong.

As I listened, Diane introduced fertility doctor, Dr. Paul Gindoff and he proceeded to talk about what infertility treatments were and started promoting them as a great method for women to use if they wanted to postpone having children solely because of their desire to pursue a career.

He made it sound easy to consider this route by saying any woman could wait to have a baby, that she could have it whenever she wanted, and she could do it this way. “Was this a commercial break?!” I thought. Definitely not. This was a guest, a medical doctor making it seem the control was all in the woman’s hands, that the timing didn’t matter and these technologies could guarantee her the desired outcome which was a baby.

I was immediately reminded of the book by Silvia Ann Hewlett called Creating A Life: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Having a Career and a Baby. Here’s a brief excerpt from the book which tells you why it came to mind:

The plain fact is, if you are a career woman who has had the tenacity to nurture both a career and a long-term loving relationship, you might well be on the wrong side of 35 before you have time to draw breath and contemplate having a child- exactly the point in life when infertility rears its ugly head. Media hype notwithstanding, the new reproductive technologies have not solved fertility problems for forty-something women.

I’d add that the reproductive technologies have not solved the problems for thirty-something and even late twenty-something women either. I’ve known many women who sought medical intervention to conceive a child because nature simply wasn’t cooperating with their bodies, not because they held off too long due to career aspirations.

The stories and statistics given in Creating A Life about women who went this route and couldn’t conceive, even after years of infertility treatment show a different side of this reality. It’s not as easy, yet media doesn’t talk about those women and their stories. Hearts are broken, relationships are strained, bank accounts are stressed and no baby results. When it comes to what is reported on infertility treatment, there’s lots of coverage on Hollywood actresses and singers having babies in their 40’s, and of course, OctoMom’s latest shenanigans or Kate Gosselin and her 8 kids she supposedly doesn’t care for because she has desires to dance.

Trouble on the conception front is far too common nowadays, so for this doctor to make it sound like getting pregnant has never been easier for women, well, I’m just a tad bit annoyed by the misinformation. I’m sure there are women out there he may be speaking to, but I would find it hard to see them as the majority of interested clients.

This may have also hit a nerve for me, because I had trouble initially conceiving both my children. The reasons behind this were potentially related to stress, unhealthy eating, a non-active lifestyle, therefore causing an imbalance in hormones, possible endometriosis, and resulting in infertility. I never found out if I had endometriosis, because I took a different path to conceive my children by first trying to get to the root of my problem and correcting the imbalance.

Then I explored Mayan Abdominal Massage via The Arvigo Technique which is a non-invasive massage for the female reproductive organs and it worked for me. I highly recommend it as a first resort solution to infertility and overall women’s health. I drove from Dallas to Austin to have it done by Elizabeth Quigg of Sirisage and firmly believe it helped me get pregnant with both my boys. The timing was too impeccable not to believe in it. And although I didn’t go the invitro route doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have considered it. I just never made it to that point and I’m thankful for that.

Like Dr. Rosita Arvigo of The Arvigo Technique once said,
“Give nature half the chance and she has a miracle in store for you.”

In my case, it was two miracles.

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21.5.800: An Experience For Writers Who Want to Move

Thanks to Bindu Wiles, my newest challenge and personal commitment began on June 8th. For 21 days, I’ll be in spirit with Bindu and numerous other well-intentioned people from around the world doing 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day. Along with the goal to condition my body and mind, I’ll use this project as another opportunity to share how it serves me spiritually. Namaste!

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Time to be found

We have choices on how to spend our time every day. We can choose to get bogged down with to-do lists and errands that don’t matter, get sucked into myriad newsfeeds and headlines of the day, answer and return every phone call, every email, or we can choose to stop and get lost in the hopes of finding ourselves. Getting lost opens up space in your mind and helps you find calm in the midst of chaos (read: peace). It quiets the noise, clears confusion, decreases fear, anxiety, depression, anger, what say you have you. Where there is space, there is flow and there lies the key to happiness. In my book, getting lost is synonymous with getting to know…you, that is. It’s returning to innocence, making a comeback, or perhaps, finding out for the first time that you are your first love and always the best company to keep. What you offer yourself, you offer the world.

Every act is a creative one. Time…it does the spirit good. Creating the space and time to nourish the woman in you is crucial and a way to practice self-love. Immersing ourselves in the activities we once were and are still attracted to is therapeutic and spiritually soothing. Not putting yourself first sacrifices your well-being and causes you to end up…(fill in your own consequence). For this reason, I took myself out of the virtual mix for one week and headed for my own private Idaho to concentrate on reading. I declared myself on a Convivial Reading Sabbatical, went AWOL on Facebook and Twitter, forbid myself any virtual communication, and didn’t think about writing. It felt great to not be connected to anything or anyone other than myself. This was my personal attempt to do that which can be so hard to do nowadays- be truly present and focused.

Throughout the week, I mostly read Danielle LaPorte’s newest piece of lit candy, The Firestarter Sessions which caused me to take a stroll through my mind’s labyrinth and stop to smell a few roses growing in the garden of my ever blossoming soul. I got some great business advice, gained new knowledge, met fascinating people, and enjoyed the expansion and transition from one aha moment to another. A few more convivial moments:

:: Discovering Imogen Heap as my new girl crush. Love her hair and genius for making music. No really, she makes every sound.

:: Enjoying the sweet rhythms that blasted into my ear via Bose headphones while my eyes sped across line after line of each article, blog post, and book chapter I devoured.

:: Admiring Beardey Man and his beat boxing example of how no talent is ever wasted. The man can make a girl laugh oh so hard!

:: Making the most of short periods of quiet time to embrace new ideas and think straight again. I’m a mother of two boys, ya know!

:: Keeping a solid commitment to myself because like writing, wearing black velvet blazers in the eighth grade, carrying the same bookbag all four years of high school, and serving as the primary caretaker for my children…it was my choice to do so.

So, there you have it- when a convivial woman is brave enough to put herself first, its because she knows the guaranteed effect is positively contagious and beneficial to all those in her life. Give yourself the oxygen mask FIRST, then your loved ones, and be witness to the joy of living that follows.

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Perfection is Possible

I have been convinced of a truth: Perfection is possible. I know it exists and can be reached, because I just experienced it. I am now more certain of its power, its potential to grab a hold of my heart, even if for a moment, and take me for an unforgettable ride. With this experience, I was transported to the muse’s doorstep and given a taste of the sweet sensations she brings. Before anything can get in the way of this feeling, I must declare it mine. Just as I do with my own life, I am holding it dear to me, embracing it with eyes wide shut and heart wide open. I am thankful, because I know it cannot stay. This moment will pass in exchange for another. It’ll call me, then evade me and I’ll chase it and find it again in some other form, but for now, it’s here…caressing, inspiring and causing feelings in me that I can’t explain. Does this make any sense to you? If the answer is no, then my answer is, GOOD. Mysterious ways…perfection works.

How did I arrive at this final destination? It happened without attempt, without logic or strategy, and had no clear direction- just as love is, as life is– but once I was aware of what I could do to steer perfection my way, the intention was all there. I didn’t seek it out, didn’t pursue it and like the sun rises and sets, it made its appearance. When the journey to this treasured spot began, I was unsure of how or what the experience would be. If I’d allowed my thoughts to take the stage, I would’ve hindered perfection’s debut. So I let go of all thought and chose not to speak. I closed my eyes and envisioned a deep, dark, gentle space within me and took my thoughts there. And left them there. I went with the flow. I let all worries walk out on me. I breathed in and then out, continuing this pace as needed and soon felt myself relaxing. When I felt the potential for thoughts to take the forefront, I pushed back and closed the red curtain on them. This was my stage.

In the beginning, there was a little uncertainty, some restraint, even friction at times. As is every new experience, every new meeting of the minds, of the hearts. But I had faith. And trust. And most of all, desire. I allowed the experience to unfold on its own, giving it the space, time and energy it required of me. I inched forward, then held back, leaped across and over, then surrendered again, not pushing or forcing anything. Cause and effect, baby. I trusted myself and all that was out of my control. Eventually, the pathway that called to me opened up for me and as I journeyed forward, I felt a rush of happiness, peace, and total calm. But the journey wasn’t over yet. I worked hard and was diligent in my efforts, strategic and patient for an outcome that would result in my ultimate favor. Then…it happened. I had arrived, reached success, reconciled my ideal of perfection to one of reality and was left in a state of pure gratitude. Perfection had surprised me, completely conquered my mind and body by simply proving her existence. I was in awe of her power and felt harmony and unity and peace and love. I was speechless. Tears replaced potential words.

What moments of perfection have gone down in the history of your heart? When all is right, smooth sailing, flowing, smiling down on you; when you feel impenetrable, subject to no limits, seemingly (or literally) floating above ground, and you can’t contain yourself, these feelings are what we aspire to achieve every day in life. Perfection is possible and a reachable state of mind, although not a permanent possibility considering the daily distractions that swallow up our mind’s potential power, but it is there, waiting for us to dedicate the time, resources, energy, and belief that it can be experienced. Give yourself the chance to discover and set foot on utopia. Repeatedly. It’s an incomprehensible and convivial place to be. Even if for just one moment.

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The Source of Feeling

I have a feeling about a conversation I had today about God. It was passionate, but I succeeded in taming the flames of this incessantly burning lake of fire by bringing marijuana into the mix which caused quite a bit of laughter. Mary Jane and her gang weren’t there literally! Their presence was just an idea…

In discussing the Divine and staying open and respectful of each person’s unique interpretation of it, just as our own lives and personal experiences are, I talked about Moses and the burning bush. I said to my friend, “You see, when hearing the story about God speaking to Moses as a burning bush, that’s what you see,” and I pointed to a shrub that happened to be nearby, “but perhaps someone else hearing the same story may imagine that Moses himself may have been burning some bush,” and I gestured to my mouth as if smoking a little somethin’ somethin’. Bursts of laughter followed and I continued, “How are we to know if ‘bush’ was or wasn’t a term used for such things back then?” My intention was not meant to mock or cause confusion-there’s already enough of that- but instead to make light of a touchy subject and make the point that God is…formless, ever expanding, open to myriad interpretation, and therefore having respect and consideration for another person’s way of viewing the world is important to learn from one another and truly grow in wisdom.

In the midst of this ensuing debate, I posed the question, “Should God be an argument?” Is it a good idea for the words God and Argument to share the same space, the same sentence? It’s a paradox, an oxymoron. Slice that last word in half and what do you get? Yes, it’s moronic. Should you argue with others about God? Love thy neighbor, baby. Should you argue with yourself? Love thy God, -dess. Sounds just as crazy as talking to oneself. And answering oneself. But we’re constantly in search of answers. Hmm…makes me wonder about the intimate activity and art of writing. Call me crazy. I’m a writer.

Do you want to be taken seriously? Then get past doubting yourself by questioning everything and consciously choosing your own path. Be true to you. Be the source, the solution, the resolution to all your fruitless searches. Help yourself, but avoid confusing this for being the end-all-know-it-all. We need help in this life. You. Me. We. And being grateful and kind are key. When a feeling comes to you, go to the source of it and trust what it’s telling you. Stand firm in your own beliefs, but avoid finding offense with someone when your truth is not theirs (as in they don’t see or hear what you see or hear) and don’t worry if their “truth” doesn’t speak to you either. Find your path and walk it. In the words of Nietzsche, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Have faith in what is true for you, and if your way of hearing it is different from the masses, perhaps not even ringing from the pulpits of a church, it’s okay. If you’re eager, open, and willing to listen to what The Source of all Creation has planned for your ear (read: your life), then get ready for greatness! Be ready to receive the message, watch for the sign, wait for the teacher…whichever channel is meant for you will flow through to you. The resources are there, but you must be resourceful and reach up and out and all around to find what’s looking after you, looking for you. Wisdom to love and live in peace with oneself is the ultimate feat.

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Embrace Your Inner Girl

I’m capable of telling it like it is and capsizing boats that merit sinking, but I haven’t always gone “there” for fear of how I might be perceived or no longer received. GASP. An image-conscious, convivial woman?

I wish I could say it isn’t so, but it’s one of the biggest challenges for women (raising my hand) to overcome before reaching

The convivial promise land of “This is who I am, this is how I live…take it or leave it.”

Thankfully, we have a TED talk like the one given by Eve Ensler, creator of The Vagina Monologues (pictured above) to remind women how important it is to (more…)

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America The Beautiful: America The Beauty Obsessed

I just finished watching the documentary, America The Beautiful, and am grateful to director, Darryl Roberts for offering such a memorable experience for me, a woman, who thankfully feels extremely appreciative of her body and how its served her in life. I highly recommend this film and hope its message reaffirms the love you have within for your mind, body and soul. Be good to yourself and love who you are just as you are.

To learn more about the film, read the synopsis here and check out this trailer:

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