5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression
Hey Convivial world of mine!
It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.
Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.
I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.
Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!
I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own
BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.
Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.
The Scoop on how things went down…low.
First, I found myself comparing myself and efforts to people way ahead of me in this online business game I’ve barely started playing (badddd), then I got hit with disillusionment over some friendships in my life (ughhhh heart-wrenching), then I experienced a lack of support for my aspirations (suuuucks), then I felt misunderstood by the world and “thought” nobody liked me (wailing), then I got mad, then sad, went and kicked a can (not really), and just said fuck it.
I threw in the towel and temporarily shut down to all that I wanted and desired in life. I just sat there and let myself feel the idleness of my life in that moment.
I’m the kind of gal who doesn’t surrender to tough times, but this time I did. That decision was so against my nature, hence the depression that followed. I understood for the first time how someone can appear to be so happy yet may actually be struggling in the dark. What a great lesson in compassion.
When things are not going my way, I don’t start blaming or stay complaining- I start questioning.
The first person I inquire with and about is myself, because I want to always take personal responsibility for the things that are happening in my life. The foundation beneath my feet felt shaky and I was trying to understand why and what I could do about it, but no answers came. I didn’t know what future to plan for. So I made no plans. With no one.
I felt scared to share my vulnerabilities with the world (*pet flaw of mine), hence no updated blog. I wanted to write, but I also wanted to be of service. So I waited it out…and waited…and waited…until today. So, here are the
3 Things I learned from my short-lived stint with depression:
1. Depression is real. It’s sometimes hard to combat, but since it’s something you create in your own mind, it can be beat. Meds are NOT the only way, so find your way…out.
2. Don’t judge or take personally what someone chooses to do or if they don’t seem to be there for you- you never know what they may be going through in private until they choose to open up and share it. That is, IF they choose to do so with you. Think to have some damn compassion before you make it about yourself. Taking that approach should help knock any chips off your shoulder you may be suffering from. Everyone suffers. And even THAT is a choice.
3. Some things must be handled alone. (*I hadn’t seen a friend in months and I told her how I’d been feeling and she immediately asked, “Why didn’t you call me?” I told her, “This was just something I had to figure out on my own…” And I think I did. Look how high I got just one day after my birthday–I was standing on top of the world at Willis Tower in Chicago!
A temporary flatline occurred at TheConvivialWoman.com. but all is clear now. I present to you how I pulled myself back up from the deep end…
5 Natural Remedies for Depression
1. Think of all the people who TRULY love you and champion your success. Then make plans for brunch, travel to see them, or simply pick up the phone and call them. As many times as you possibly can.
2. Tell the waiter you’ll have two desserts. Then, do as the French do and savor each bite. Guilt-free.
3. Hang out with a friend (or two or three) who offers you complete Carte Blanche. Nothing like the freedom to do as one wishes, but to keep company with someone who gives you that same freedom in their presence is a true gift.
4. Dig deep for cherished moments and memories, with the people who have consistently brought you happiness and power. Then…recreate those moments over and over and over again. When you least expect it, you’ll return to innocence and be who you truly are again.
5. Be of service to another person. Instead of walking into a room worrying about what people may think of you, think of who in that same room needs you more than you could ever imagine.
“I wonder if doctors will ever start to prescribe ambition, goals, creativity- paintbrushes, pens and blank journals, lumps of soft clay, anything before resorting to the pills…” – Eric Victorino
My return to self back home Chicago
I can’t help looking back on the list and seeing how convivial in nature they all are! Everything happens for a reason. Yes, this, I believe.
Still fond of feasting, drinking and good company,
Cheryl
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I love you so much and I am so in love with this post. Beautiful. I have been pretty down myself over the past few weeks and can really relate to your experience of not wanting to share your vulnerabilities with the world… especially when my business focuses around helping others become the best, healthiest and happiest person they can be. Thank you for sharing this post and for being the amazing friend and woman that you are. 🙂 And I LOVE that quote! xo
1 Sep 11
Glad to see that you are back in action! I accepted your request on Linked-In today (i know, you probly send it like 6 months ago. lol) and found your blog there. You seem like a pretty cool chick doing some great & inspirational stuff with your blog! Looking forward to following along on your adventures!
6 Sep 11
Beautiful! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this, Cheryl. Because I, too, am at the tail-end of this same experience!
About a year ago, I started to sail out on my own entrepreneurial flagship, but ran aground before I ever even got out of the harbor. You described exactly what I went through, too. I could almost have written the exact same words – the lack of support, the isolation, the loss of heart.
I’m still not quite out of it, but the hull has been repaired and the wind is just starting to fill my sails again. I may have been wounded pretty badly, but like you, I don’t quit. I can’t NOT do what’s deep in my heart.
Those 5 Natural Remedies to cure depression are right on, too. (I especially like the one about double desserts. Sometimes, cake really IS the best solution.)
Thank you again for posting this! Your words have added to my courage-fire!
6 Sep 11
AMEN and ROCK ON sister!! What a beautiful and vulnerable post to write – kudos to you for speaking what so many feel is unspeakable.
I too have suffered with bouts of depression (tho’ I detest the word, that’s most certainly what it was). Being in a period of transition and overwhelm definitely can lead to the D-word. At least it does for me.
I’m glad you’re back! Thanks for your tips & tricks – big hugs to you!
Looking forward to all the amazing good stuff that lies ahead for you and all of us convivial women! 🙂
6 Sep 11
Welcome back, Cheryl. Interestingly, I too went through a similar bout during the same timeframe. I haven’t written about it for public consumption though- which you have done beautifully here. I can’t tell you how much it means to know that someone else understands; I’ve been feeling very alone with this struggle. Thank you for putting this post out there and providing so much encouragement to those of us in the dark room with you.
7 Sep 11
Thank so much Sarah for the new connection and positive words! Can’t wait to learn more about you too!
7 Sep 11
I can’t thank you enough for all the validation and kindness you offer me through our friendship. I’m curious to find out about what astrology has to say about the last few months, because there was something seriously up with my world and so many others around that time. It will pass and once you reach the other end, it’s great! So much new insight and compassion you’ll gain and offer back to the world around you! Love you!
7 Sep 11
Regina, your words warm my heart! I feel so good for sharing my experience because of how I now know it can affect others and allow others to experience community–we’re never alone, but as I said, we sometimes have to figure things out on our own to understand that! I love your reference to sailing…we have much in common already, because I love sailing!
7 Sep 11
Oh, my dear friend, this post is just perfect for me right now, very. First of all, you are so right on with that life balance shit. Not possible…for us humans it isn’t reality. In fact, my old website ppl put that on my site and it is coming off! I can relate to you on so many levels, esp. the comparing myself with others. I seem to look at what others far ahead in their business’s are doing and think, “I fucking suck!” and just want to stop and give up. I am going to try #1 and #5 of your list. I know I will figure this out (on my own). Thanks so much for your honesty, Cheryl.
8 Sep 11
Lisa, that is sweetness to my ears that you understand. Let me just say that I clicked your name and your website came up and I thought, “WOW! Look at this beautiful site!” It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but one is certain: each person’s experience is unique, therefore is it so unfair that we do that to ourselves! I’m so glad you relate to that experience and I’m certain we’ll be talking more about it by phone soon! Keep pushing forward. You’re wonderful and the work you are doing is valuable and needed.
9 Sep 11
Stephanie, I am learning that this sentiment and even occasional depression is something common among the brilliant. I don’t mean to sound vain when I say that, but I know how amazing your talents and work are and yet you experience this. I’ve read about artists such as Frida Kahlo and Salvador Dali dealing with internal, deep pain and a sense of isolation, yet look at the mark they’ve made and the name they’ve left for the world to admire. We must be more gentle with ourselves, indeed. I’m thankful you can relate and are sharing your gifts with the world!
9 Sep 11
Thank you Joanna for your kind words and for taking the time to share them here on my blog for others to see. It’s hard to open up (don’t even get me started on writers!) and share our world. I see such a reserved woman in me at times when in public, yet the words I write jump off the page and show the life in me. I trust that is how I am best able to express myself and I will keep at it. There can be a lot of demands on our delicate personalities and fragile hearts, but if we stick to what brings us peace and joy, we can’t go wrong. Thank you again. Please stay in touch! Like my facebook page or follow me on twitter (right sidebar on my website!) so we can connect more. I’d love to know more about you and your writing.
9 Sep 11