My Offline Escapades: Vol 2
“Thinking is underrated, don’t you reckon? In this little world of ours, we’re told we need to BE the best, GET the job, MAKE something of ourselves. But when was the last time you just sat down and pondered a little?” -Frankie Magazine
These were some great words to accompany me on my own pro-pondering expedition during the month of January. I went on a complete writing break to immerse myself in the non-digital written word for the purpose to rebuild myself through art.
I’m someone who best recognizes herself through writing and I made a conscious decision to temporarily close up my thought shop and zip it.
What I’m seeing now is how that choice was quite the revolt in nature, equivalent to me cutting off my creative blood supply.
I deprived myself from the standard channels of communicating with the world these days- Facebook status updates, tweeting, participating in the much taken for granted digital conversation, blogging, audio and video blogs, and even minimizing my phone and in-person conversations to focus solely on reading (read: receiving). Sounds like pure craziness, huh? Well, in the words of one white hot author, “Crazy gets shit done.”
I didn’t think much of it at the beginning. Initially, it was a test of discipline to stay on task, to make a commitment and follow it through to fruition, but little did I realize the physical and emotional effect that keeping my thoughts and personal musings tightly sealed for so long was having on me. Me not having something to say, to share, to contribute? Never. I wasn’t a happy camper at times and didn’t understand why.
I was piling on the books and perusing, underlining, and writing out the many things that jumped off the page at me and when reading time was over, I’d simply close the book and get back to life.
New knowledge was brewing at my core, and slowly beginning to rise and bubble to the surface, in need of release, and I remember after the first week feeling a strange sensation in my throat, as if a bottleneck was forming. I had 3 more weeks to go! I remember driving to meet some friends for a night out and feeling discomfort in my neck, but the more I thought of it, the more it wasn’t so strange to me, because I considered the fact that my primary chakra is the throat chakra, the one that is our will center, that tells us we speak our choices with our voices and is focused on personal expression, creativity, self-knowledge and truth. I was having trouble assimilating the information I was receiving, because I was not letting it filter anywhere outside my body, hence the pressure in my throat. I was taking strides to repress my words to better understand what needed to be expressed. It was all a journey, a process of growing and I trusted in it even during the points of confusion.
Toward the end of the month, this choice to keep quiet was starting to feel like wet sand in my underwear and I was itching and inching for the finish line. That’s not so different from being in a position of wanting to say something or express your feelings and not having the freedom to do so. It sucks to keep your lips sealed if truth needs to be spoken.
Being cooped up in my own head was proving this quote right:
“The more you think the more you stink!” -unknown
and it was becoming clear that I needed to balance this period of self-study and solitude with my need for personal and creative self-expression. So, lesson learned.
It’s not only important to stop and take account of what makes you feel alive, to think silly, personal, scary, marvelous things, but it’s just as crucial to take that newfound knowledge and go out into the world and express it.
Tweet
This really resonates with me and makes me wonder how I would cope will a self inflicted period of ‘quiet’. Much like you my whole identity is wrapped up in communication and expression. The only place I can imagine being ok, is in the art studio creating etchings – but then is the most zen place in the world for me. Someday soon I hope to dedicate a whole month to the quiet ‘creative’ zone
Gxx
9 Feb 11