Motivation
Are You Mad Enough to Live?
R.E.M. sings about shiny, happy people holding hands and it’s a song that can stir me to sway back and forth with arms flowing upward, but having everyone put on a happy face and use flowery words when things are tough or uncertain isn’t what gets my ass moving to create change in my world.
I’ve got to dislike something, feel uncomfortable, lost, violated, offended, cheated, unappreciated, held back, all that good stuff in order for me to react. The straight-shooters, the ones who don’t deal well in sugar-coating a situation, who don’t mince words and “ponder on things”, the ones who go after a solution, a goal, a seemingly unrealistic dream with fierce determination are the people who speak to me, and the ones who truly get me.
This is the same breed of “response-able” people that beat writer, Jack Kerouac describes below…
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!'” -Jack Kerouac
I’m reminded of one mad friend who gets mistaken for being angry when people first meet him. Funny thing is, if asked how he’s doing by the same people, he’ll say in his deep, slightly intimidating Vin Diesel-like voice, “I’m happy as shit.”
Does it make sense to compare happiness to shit? I’d say, if you choose to be content amidst apparent chaos, that’s a show of strength and wisdom, but don’t confuse it for a person who wears a permanent smile to cover up reality. Face the facts, then take your faith, courage, and will to act and get through the situation or change it altogether.
Sometimes, my husband uses the word “madness” when describing my anger and secretly, I like it because…
Life is madness…especially as a woman and I make every attempt to rebel every day.
I encourage you to do the same! Question your place. Don’t play the game. Want more…less…better, but never whatever. Speak up. Learn when to offer someone love vs. truth (psst…your honest opinion is only appreciated when it is solicited).
Put attention to your desires and all the fear that accompanies them, then…stir the pot, rock some boats, and do something about it. The Convivial Woman is all about seeing some jaws drop, aren’t you?
Speaking of the desire/fear combo, did you know I’m writing a book? The Convivial Woman, a compilation of stories and cheeky wisdom from one sensual, sublimely complex woman to another. Yes, it’s in the making, so stay tuned! And remember…
You are a masterpiece. Live…mad.
For news on The Convivial Woman book project, event news for The Convivial Supper Club (soon to be launching in my new homebase of Austin, Texas baby!), and special offerings, get your name on my one and only convivial list! And you can’t forget to join the convivial party and conversation on Facebook or follow your interests on Twitter too!
TweetCHOOSING (where) TO LIVE: following my heart to Austin, TX
In 2009, I took this picture while showing my husband around Austin, Texas. We were passing through a random neighborhood near downtown and a small sign hanging to the side of this home’s front door caused me to hit the brakes and reverse with tires screeching, saying, “Oh my God, I don’t believe this!” When my husband got a closer look, he was just as baffled. More on the sign’s message soon…
Two years later, I’m here to tell you my family is moving from Dallas to Austin, TX. This potential move has been at the forefront of our dinner table conversation since I first proposed the idea in 2009, so it’s cause for me to jump for joy!
There were many times I thought it might not ever happen
-initially, my husband wasn’t eager about starting over in a new city. Most men aren’t. However, he eventually grabbed onto the anchor I kept throwing out to him from my imaginary turquoise-colored sailboat. You know, the one I’ve yet to buy to set asail on the waters of Lake Travis…it’s on my To-Have list once I settle in Austin. Hey, who said dreams can’t have a domino effect?
Before The Convivial Woman came to be, this space was known as Convivial Society and the mantra I was inspired to live by was
“Know Your Power. Live Your Life.”
For many years, I had this lingering feeling of resistance when it came to settling down in Dallas. Big D was where I was brought by my parents at age 16 to live after my brother started getting involved in Chicago street gangs.
I finished high school here, got my start in Banking while I put myself through college, thus graduating from The University of Texas at Dallas, and I found love and got married here.
I was busy and had my head in a lot of things, but once all those projects were complete, my heart was free to roam.
I acquired many friendships and enjoyed living five minutes away from mom and dad, but still…every time I’d travel, there went that lingering feeling again.
Initially, I wanted to move to San Francisco or back to Chicago, but I allowed outside factors and other people’s feelings to get in the way of my personal endeavors. So, I stayed put. I tried the whole “Change your thoughts, Change your life” mentality and told myself, “If Mark Cuban can make it here, I can too!” But I was lying to myself which only fueled the fire within.
I’d already had my first son, a cute little house and two dogs to call home, but it wasn’t all I envisioned. Was I an unsatisfied, ungrateful woman for wanting more, or perhaps just something slightly different? I didn’t think so.
I was willing to make adjustments and be flexible in my dreaming, but not fully surrender it.
Knowing that I didn’t want to venture too far from mom and dad (for grandkids sake- I know what it’s like to grow up without extended family and holiday get togethers) I decided if there was anywhere in Texas I wanted to be, it was Austin.
I tapped into my 6-year-old little girl’s mind and remembered the hills and winding roads, the sweetest summer time nectarines picked up at H.E.B., the grandeur of the state capitol building, and the feeling of care-free joy when I visited my family in this Texas town. It truly felt like a homecoming for me. Every time. Can’t forget to mention my first tour of 6th street riding on my uncle’s Harley at 16 years old!
Austin reminded me of my family, my roots, something so familiar to me, so I set my sights on her and gathered the courage to tell my hubby.
It was a bumpy ride at first, but I told myself that compromising this feeling would be fatal to my fierce spirit.
There were times when it seemed not worth fighting for, but as I stared out toward my backyard one morning, I remember thinking to myself (just as a tear rolled down my cheek) that I’d be a hypocrite to talk the talk of “Know Your Power, Live Your Life” if I didn’t walk the walk and fight the fight…IF it had to be one at all. It was a true test of will and desire and thankfully, my husband and I made it happen… together. That is KEY.
In the early stages of this dream, when it seemed hard to get on the same page, I once imagined myself driving down I-35 toward Austin, yelling out the window like Winona Ryder in Mermaids, “I wanna lead a violent and exciting liiiiiiife!”- with belongings in tow and hubby tied up in the trunk, of course. There’s a Thelma and Louise aspect to me, but I wasn’t determined to make it happen that way!
Compromises can be made, but when it comes to what makes you happy, if the other doesn’t give you a chance to explore that feeling, then there are other issues to consider between the two of you.
And the compromises have to feel good for both or they’ll resurface in other ways later. So, be true to you and everyone reaps the benefits, even if there’s resistance at first.
So, we’re off to the state capitol of Texas and in search of our next home! It’s bitter sweet to be packing up and a surreal sensation to be the one putting up the “For Rent” sign in front of my house. Kinda felt like I was in an old school 21st Century real estate commercial!
Now, about that sign on a random house in Austin two years ago…
When it comes to listening to my heart and being the one to choose a place where I could feel truly at home, here’s why I believe someone, somewhere, somehow was conspiring in my favor two years ago…it said:
Know your power…Live your life. Indeed.
P.S. What deep desires have you been shoving to the back burner? How badly do you want to taste them? What’s it going to take for you to act on them? I’d love to hear from you!
Tweet
5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression
Hey Convivial world of mine!
It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.
Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.
I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.
Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!
I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own
BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.
Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.
The Scoop on how things went down…low. (more…)
TweetTaking The Stage, Fear and All
In a Ted Talk given by Sarah Kay of Project V.O.I.C.E., she recites two poems and speaks candidly about the power of the written word spoken aloud. There was a moment during her talk when her nervousness was evident; she was even bold enough to call herself out on it while on stage. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person to connect with her in that moment when she showed us her humanity.
Her sense of playfulness, energy and spirit resonated on a deep level with me, and although she’s a seasoned spoken word artist, she still experiences nerves on stage, but no matter the fear, she does it anyway.
Performing ones words on a stage is risky business.
I do it here and occasionally exit this virtual stage for a real one at say a workshop, networker or a convivial gathering. Every time I think of getting up in front of people, I imagine all chairs screeching so audience members can get a better look at me, and the nerves come out to play, but…I do it anyway. I recognize that one aspect of my discomfort in having all eyes on me is the introvert in me, but thankfully, I’m affable and can balance it out. The bigger part is simply a matter of more practice. Just as babies don’t walk out of the womb, neither should we think our fear of the unknown or stepping out in front of people to do what it is we do (or want to do) can be overcome in an instant or banished altogether.
We never stop fearing. We only get better and bolder at facing it. (more…)
TweetConvivial Cameo: Karie Hill, Financial Freedom Coach
“There are three crucial types of education: Academic education- reading, writing and basic math; Professional education- the skills to work for money; and Financial education- the skills to have money work for you. Which of the three were you taught?” -Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad
Today, my Convivial Interview series begins! I’m going to be featuring some amazing women who personally influence and inspire me. You can look forward to these women’s stories of how they’re making tough choices, taking risks, and pushing through the glass ceilings of self-limitation in their minds to create meaningful lives for themselves and others. Stop by each Monday for the next month for all new, inspiring interviews. Let’s get started!
In November 2010, I attended Rich Happy & Hot LIVE with Marie Forleo in New York City and met a beautiful woman from the Chicago area named, Karie Hill. On a break, we got to talk and I asked her about the work she was doing in the world and she said, “I practice Financial Well-being and teach others how to do the same.” As the Chavarria family CFO, an ex-banker-turned-entrepreneur, and Convivial Life Strategist, my eyes lit up as I envisioned the worlds Karie could rock for the better.
Meet the woman behind KDH Financial, Karie Hill 
and see why I believe her work can change so many people’s lives, including yours… (more…)
TweetMy Offline Escapades: Vol 2
“Thinking is underrated, don’t you reckon? In this little world of ours, we’re told we need to BE the best, GET the job, MAKE something of ourselves. But when was the last time you just sat down and pondered a little?” -Frankie Magazine
These were some great words to accompany me on my own pro-pondering expedition during the month of January. I went on a complete writing break to immerse myself in the non-digital written word for the purpose to rebuild myself through art.
I’m someone who best recognizes herself through writing and I made a conscious decision to temporarily close up my thought shop and zip it.
What I’m seeing now is how that choice was quite the revolt in nature, equivalent to me cutting off my creative blood supply. (more…)
TweetMy Offline Escapades: Vol I
For the month of January, I went on digital sabbatical with the intentions to reconnect, rediscover and redefine my purposes here at Convivial Society (soon to be renamed and relaunched as The Convivial Woman end of February).
So, January has come and gone and I’ve returned on this fine, icy, cold day in February. Yes, me, Cheryl Chavarria A.K.A. The Convivial Woman is saying Bye Bye sabbatical, Hello writing again.
Wow! January was intense and unforgettable for me. Please tell me you’re all goo goo gaga about my return, because this is a big deal for me! I was beginning to feel pent up like a genie in a bottle. Being offline and in a sense out of touch was starting to wear on me…shall I dare talk about how moody and out of my comfort zone I felt toward the end?
Where to begin, ya’ll?
There are various experiences to share about my offline escapades, so get ready for (more…)
TweetInspired & Home from New York (Pics)
It’s been three days since my return from an eye-opening weekend in New York. The memories continue to replay in my mind…the chemistry I felt with the city, with the women who surrounded me, the impact of the stories and knowledge shared by each speaker, and the guards let down and tears shed by various women of the audience at Rich Happy & Hot LIVE.
My second day back home, I shed some tears of my own as I spoke to a dear friend by phone and began to express my deep gratitude for our friendship and their continued unconditional love and support in my efforts to express The Convivial Woman and grow in the comfort of my writer’s skin. When someone believes in you and just loves you for all that you are and all that you’re not (yet), what a powerful force you can be in the world!
I love telling stories by way of the eye, and you’d better believe I snapped a good number of moments while in The Big Apple. So have yourself a look-see at my photojournalism skills! There will be plenty of time to share words, but for now, let this visit to Convivial Society be a visual experience to enjoy. Let me know if anything grabs you by the heart!
Click on the album to view and experience New York with me all over again:
 |
| NewYork2010 |
A Rich Happy & Hot LIVE Experience in NYC
The weekend has come and gone! Rich Happy & Hot is over and officially another unforgettable, incomparable experience under my belt.
Here I am sitting at LaGuardia waiting to board my flight and I could talk excitedly about how amazing and inspiring Marie Forleo is, how she’s the real deal when it comes to a business woman showing up 100% as herself, how I met so many amazing and inspiring women with some impressive businesses in the making, etc etc…all true details, but honestly, my emotions are still processing everything in it’s entirety that I experienced this weekend.
Something big definitely happened
at Rich Happy & Hot LIVE, because whenever something major is happening within or around me, I get quiet. Yes, me- a writer, and occasional loquacious convivial woman, has no words to describe my feeling yet. Powerful, mind-blowing, phenomenal sound weak. So how about I just say (more…)
TweetMy New York Minute: Day 2
In no particular order, this is how my second day went…
Do you know about the country of Ossetia? I didn’t before tonight’s bicycle taxi ride from Times Square!
I’ve never had such pleasant conversation with someone while they pedaled and maneuvered their way around traffic on a bicycle. Alan the rider was from the small Eastern European country called Ossetia.
He expressed his gratitude for the Southern kindness I showed him by not accepting my tip. I wish him well in life and love.
Coming to a new country, learning a new language, and creating a new life from scratch is one helluva risk to take on yourself. Where would America be without all the immigrants, all the risk-takers?
I was walking through the East Village, (more…)
TweetMy New York Minute: Day 1.5
I’m awake thanks to a phone call from an old friend, Lola getting in touch with me. She lives here in NYC and we now have plans to dine and maybe dance this Saturday night.
Let me tell you Miss Lola’s dancer name should be Rita, because those hips and feet of hers are dangerous on the dance floor.
I know Lola from growing up in Chicago and I never forget a woman who can twirl the way she does! I can’t wait to see what moves she’s got now.
The convivial mama slept well, but before knocking out, I had a guy outside my hotel window pacing back and forth, screaming into his phone calling someone a hoe repeatedly. He was enraged and I thought, how sad…and how New York.
Last night at the Brass Monkey (more…)
TweetWords of Wisdom from America’s Sweetheart
My boyfriend keeps telling me I’ve got to own things. So, first I bought this car. And then he told me I oughta get a house. ‘Why a house?’ ‘Well, you gotta have a place to park the car.’ -Julia Roberts.
