Motivation
My Shedventure to the Mexican town of San Miguel de Allende
I was graciously asked to be a guest writer by Bindu Wiles for The Shed Project, an 8-week adventure in letting go that she launched in early September. The project is about coming together as an online community, to support each other in letting go of excess baggage, of whatever is weighing you down. It could be your need to let go of material goods, negative thought patterns, a job, a lifestyle, etc. It’s still going on, so if you haven’t joined in, learn more here.
So, here’s my story about a time when I let go of all that was comfortable, of a life I was no longer happy living, and the details of the results yielded from taking a risk and following my heart’s desire…
Every act of creation starts with a feeling.
TweetGuest Post by One of My All-Time Favorite Friends
Is it time for you to go from What Happened? to What’s Next?
I’d like to share these words of wisdom one of my all-time best friends, Juan Carlos Bernal recently shared with me.
Carlos (as I know him) has been very encouraging and supportive of my efforts and message at Convivial Society and I couldn’t be more grateful to have someone like him in my corner.
It’s certain that neither him nor I ever imagined he’d be making an appearance here since my site targets women and he’s a MAN MAN, but his words struck me as being pretty powerful and I felt it would be selfish on my part to keep them all to myself. I’m sure we can all benefit from some tough talk and love every now and then, so with his permission, here they are…
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Rethinking The Word: Commit
Once upon a time, I had a Sacred Sexy session with Lisa Carmen and we decided to embark upon a little something called a “blog challenge” to see if it would encourage us to be more disciplined with our writing. But I soon realized that
Writing to have a presence is not the answer
We came to the understanding that blogging every day for a set number of days wasn’t the lesson to be learned. We found comfort in knowing that it was okay not to fulfill this commitment, because this commitment was not fulfilling us.
Deep down, I felt putting words on the screen just for sake of putting words on the screen didn’t feel right. Gotta love the genius Seth Godin for enlightening me when he said it is my duty to find words for my readers, not readers for my words.
The words I choose must come from a place that is natural, wild, convivial, and sometimes, undisciplined. And I’ll add that the timing can be unpredictable for such results. The way I see it…
It’s better for me to view my commitment to writing as this:
to write when I feel like it, when I am moved to do so, when I am called to pick up the pen, or ecstatic to share something, and compelled to transform emotion to the paper. Simply, do and write what feels right.
Art/Emotion/Communicating/Feeling- all synonymous words when it comes to the art of convivial living, I’d say.
Many times, we get bogged down with keeping commitments that aren’t serving us. We feel the resistance within, yet we ignore it, because it’s what we’ve been conditioned to do- ignore the gift of feeling and go with logic. The body is your guide and won’t steer you wrong.
Artists inspire other artists, no doubt, so here’s my way of letting go of anything that doesn’t bring me joy, doesn’t inspire me to be fully present with my words.
Here’s a great parting statement to bid farewell to my blog challenge, or any commitment that isn’t honoring you. The words of the unforgettable Anais Nin…
“One word I would banish from the dictionary is ‘escape.’ Just banish that and you’ll be fine. Because that word has been misused regarding anybody who wanted to move away from a certain spot and wanted to grow. He was an escapist. You know if you forget that word you will have a much easier time. Also, you’re in the prime, the beginning of your life; you should experiment with everything, try everything…
We have created false dichotomies; we create false ambivalences, and very painful ones sometimes- the feeling that we have to choose. But I think at one point, we finally realize, sometimes subconsciously, whether or not we are really fitted for what we try and if it’s what we want to do.
You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you’re not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn’t a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking.
I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things…“
-Anais Nin
…
How do you feel about letting go of commitments that aren’t serving you? Do you always seem to be taking on too much, giving too much (is that really possibly a bad thing?)? What changes can you make right now to put your attention where it needs to be?
Be brave enough to go first,
Life Is Movement. Pace Yourself.
Life is Movement. Accept this confrontation. Move ahead. Don’t be scared by the challenges of life, because life is fully worth living. -Paulo Coehlo
These are the words of wisdom and truth that Paulo Coehlo shares in this video and they especially speak to me at this point in time, because I am always about movement, always ready to adapt and accept change, but lately, I’ve been feeling like I can’t keep up and need to cut back. Feeling out of breath, looking every which way, spreading myself too thin, easily frustrated, not able to focus, being hard on myself, and it has definitely taken its toll on me physically since all last week I was under the weather. It’s all because change is on the horizon.
And now a blog challenge! Yes, I’m still hanging in there. Taking on the idea of writing and posting something every day is conjuring up memories of the summer I came down from Chicago to stay with my family in Abilene, Texas.
The year was 1993 and I was 12 going on 13 years old, but acted as if I was mature enough to get into the local boot scootin’ bar called none other than Boot Scooters. I remember my aunt telling me, “Cheryl, you’re too direct. Boys aren’t gonna like that.” The hell they haven’t liked it! It’s worked like a charm.
That was the summer Green Day made their debut on MTV and I couldn’t get enough. Pearl Jam introduced us to Jeremy and I fell in love with Eddie Veder. My summer consisted of babysitting my three cousins, swimming, flirting with a boy named Fonzie, making rice crispy treats for that boy Fonzie, shopping with babysitting money, wishing Fonzie would kiss me as November Rain played in the background on MTV, meeting Reese Witherspoon onscreen for the first time and kissing my hand like her sister did in Man in the Moon, having deep conversations with my 29 year old aunt, and chronicling all of it in my five subject notebook diary. I needed the space and certainly filled it!
I wrote in my first diary at age 9 and by this summer had reached a point where I had to write every single day (emphasis on “single”). When I was having too much fun on my summer break and didn’t write about it, I found myself stressing and thinking, “Oh my gosh! I’m three days behind on writing!” I guess in looking back, if I didn’t document it, it was as if it had never happened.
But of course that wasn’t true. It just proves how dedicated I was to writing. It was my thing, my must-do…besides devouring endless hours of MTV and oreo cookies while my cousins took their naps.
Today, I am a wife, mother of two boys, an entrepreneurial mama, a passionate friend, wine drinker (petite syrah baby), occasional social butterfly, convivial life strategist, and ultimately, a writer.
Hmm…subconscious part of me speaking when I leave writer for the end! It’s just an example of the reality that many times, life takes over and I just need to go with it and when the universe conspires in my favor as far as quiet time is concerned, then you’d better believe, I’m gonna write about it.
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A SacredSexyConvivial Challenge
Last week, I had yet another amazing coaching session with Lisa Carmen of www.sacredsexyu.com. I’m already two months into coaching with the sexy femme fatale and I can definitely feel the changes happening within and around me. (Note: That means my heart is leading me in everything I am doing.)
In our last session, Lisa asked me to join her in a 31 Day Blog Challenge to post sacred sexy and convivial brain gems on our sites every day. I agreed to the challenge! Let me tell you, posting every day is a definite challenge to this mom of two boys, but it boils down to managing my time and being disciplined. Oh and minimizing distractions! Yeah, that’s huge. I work at it every day ya’ll. (Channeling Paula Deen here…)
I’ve been feeling under the weather for the past few days, so Lisa’s got the lead on posts! She’s already written such posts about Extreme Irregularity (wink wink), Coming A Long Way,, and “Backing Away from Backing Away” while I’ve managed to share a precious precious photo of a sculpture by Constantine Brancusi called “The Kiss”! Woo! You loved it, right? Okay! So the game is on and I am signing off now to get more written.
I promise to give my best effort and share lots of juicy knowledge and info with you, so be sure to sign up for to my RSS feed to stay on the sidelines and cheer me on with your comments! You can also love me long time and show your support for me on facebookand twitter!
Cheers to what’s ahead!
TweetYou’re already in your proper place
I had a meeting of the minds that caused a stir in my soul. The thoughts and realizations I took home that evening have me brewing with possibility and wonder.
I met with Lisa Carmen, a Burlesque dancer and choreographer in Dallas and the creator of the site SacredSexyU. Lisa and I have been soul friend’s long before we met, so when it came time to mix the physical with our mental as was done over mojitos and micheladas, it got emotional. Alcohol was not a factor! There was a lot of smiling, giggling, and convivial mingling just as women do best, but what really went down was the experience of a full circle effect for me, the beauty of synchronicity, two apparent strangers going beyond the surface, and Lisa and I bowing to the universe for conspiring in favor of our new friendship.
Meeting Lisa was like reuniting with a long lost love. I was thrilled to be in her presence and humbled to know she was just as excited to be in mine. I felt honored to receive her love and challenged by her adoration, because it holds me accountable to my heart’s desire and calls me out and onto the stage I’ve created for myself.
Being the star of the show is not a role for which I ever auditioned…until now.
When there is potential for me to play the leading lady, (read: woman in charge, as we all want to be!) I swear the butterflies are on me like bees to honey, fluttering about my stomach. Just the idea of debuting Convivial Society (today known as The Convivial Woman) rocked my nervous system! I mean, how do you take something so private, like my writing, my art, something so intimate, spiritual and close to me, and make it public? You just do, because you know that it has to be shared for the world to benefit.
As an introvert, I have good reason to shy away from the limelight, to avoid the big crowds, but in meeting with Lisa, I realized that the light’s gotta shine on me at some point. The stage awaits. It’s simply a matter of when I’m willing (or pushed) to step forward and shine. Being the observer, the behind the scenes gal and feeling most fulfilled with one-on-one interactions has been the norm for me, yet my vision for Convivial Society is going to require me to come out from behind the turquoise curtain to take an occasional bow, cause some laughter, shed some tears, receive applause, glimpse a few yawns, hear potential boos and face numerous critics. It’s going to force me to stand firm in who I am and cause me to move forward anyway, because if I want to make any desire a reality, I have to accept the natural fear that comes with new endeavors and say, Fuck it. I lose nothing and gain everything. My life and the lives of those affected are richer for it.
Having great power is the reality of our existence, yet reality can be intimidating and scary.
There’s always going to be doubt lurking in the background, trying to convince me that I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know who I am or what I truly want, perhaps even that I don’t fully believe in myself. This is where my tribe enters the scene to help me combat the mind and push forward with the heart.
Instead of trying to become, I am trying to be…just be and by trusting, I learn more about my own power- what it feels like, looks like, sounds like, and oh what a beauty she is! The company I keep will test my commitment to further grow in my power and exercise it. The people we attract into our personal hemisphere are there to offer us what we need, especially when we aren’t aware of how much we need it. They should be someone we can open up to so that our vulnerable skin can be fully revealed and no room is left for judgment or disappointment.
As a High Priestess once said, people operating from their true strengths are generous as hell with their gifts and encourage you to operate just the same. You’ll have no other option but to be real, honest, and on your game, shining through as you do you. Take me by the hand…yes, we all want to be led, but there comes a point when it is time to lead.
Not sure how to go about it? Seek out your mentors, count on those friends who share the same vibe and worldview, and be willing to explore the questions that will cause you to sweat out your insecurities, render you completely vulnerable. I am better for the time I had with Lisa for now I know such people cross my path to reassure me that I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I am meant to do, already in my proper place.
Have you recently made any new friends who have caused a stirring in your soul or challenged you to be better than you were yesterday? Tell me your story in the comments below. I know I’m not the only one getting her blueberry mojito and bonding on!
TweetMake the Given Effort
Ever feel like you’re in between two worlds with one foot ready to kick the next door down? It’s kinda like your own version of a Groundhog Day. Been there, felt that! But I haven’t bought the t-shirt yet. With all the angst and uncertainty surrounding this hot spot, it’s not exactly the best feeling nor ideal place to be, and as the stumbling-every-which-way humans that we are, we’re bound to book a few return trips. If you have yet to arrive, wherever your chosen destination, whatever your chosen vocation may be, what are you doing right now to get there? If you’re short on answers, forget worrying as much about the how or the when and get to work finding the who and the what that will get you to the where. When headed for an unknown place, somewhere you’ve never been, didn’t expect to travel to, or never imagined going, its certain your emotional compass will go haywire, directions will seem contradicting just as the route may appear a tortuous one, but don’t worry, you’re not alone and you’ll make it through. We all share the same road, see the same signs, however if we pay close enough attention, we’ll interpret distinct messages that can lead us down our individual paths. Finding is about refining…you. So, give yourself that chance, that time and effort to get back to or better get to know you. Peel back those layers. Pull up that hair. Take a good look. Be impressed. Cry it out. Breathe her back to life. Then be amazed. Your experience is what you make it, so go ahead and wipe away the excess everything that means and brings nothing to the core of you. Purging brings forth the new, but in this case, shedding the current skin allows for the rebirth of your original self. With a spirit as fierce and limitless as yours, its never too late to put your will behind the wheel and steer it. Experience the place that is meant for you. Happiness isn’t an effort, it’s a given.
Tweet21.5.800: An Experience For Writers Who Want to Move
Thanks to Bindu Wiles, my newest challenge and personal commitment began on June 8th. For 21 days, I’ll be in spirit with Bindu and numerous other well-intentioned people from around the world doing 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day. Along with the goal to condition my body and mind, I’ll use this project as another opportunity to share how it serves me spiritually. Namaste!
Time to be found
We have choices on how to spend our time every day. We can choose to get bogged down with to-do lists and errands that don’t matter, get sucked into myriad newsfeeds and headlines of the day, answer and return every phone call, every email, or we can choose to stop and get lost in the hopes of finding ourselves. Getting lost opens up space in your mind and helps you find calm in the midst of chaos (read: peace). It quiets the noise, clears confusion, decreases fear, anxiety, depression, anger, what say you have you. Where there is space, there is flow and there lies the key to happiness. In my book, getting lost is synonymous with getting to know…you, that is. It’s returning to innocence, making a comeback, or perhaps, finding out for the first time that you are your first love and always the best company to keep. What you offer yourself, you offer the world.
Every act is a creative one. Time…it does the spirit good. Creating the space and time to nourish the woman in you is crucial and a way to practice self-love. Immersing ourselves in the activities we once were and are still attracted to is therapeutic and spiritually soothing. Not putting yourself first sacrifices your well-being and causes you to end up…(fill in your own consequence). For this reason, I took myself out of the virtual mix for one week and headed for my own private Idaho to concentrate on reading. I declared myself on a Convivial Reading Sabbatical, went AWOL on Facebook and Twitter, forbid myself any virtual communication, and didn’t think about writing. It felt great to not be connected to anything or anyone other than myself. This was my personal attempt to do that which can be so hard to do nowadays- be truly present and focused.
Throughout the week, I mostly read Danielle LaPorte’s newest piece of lit candy, The Firestarter Sessions which caused me to take a stroll through my mind’s labyrinth and stop to smell a few roses growing in the garden of my ever blossoming soul. I got some great business advice, gained new knowledge, met fascinating people, and enjoyed the expansion and transition from one aha moment to another. A few more convivial moments:
:: Discovering Imogen Heap as my new girl crush. Love her hair and genius for making music. No really, she makes every sound.
:: Enjoying the sweet rhythms that blasted into my ear via Bose headphones while my eyes sped across line after line of each article, blog post, and book chapter I devoured.
:: Admiring Beardey Man and his beat boxing example of how no talent is ever wasted. The man can make a girl laugh oh so hard!
:: Making the most of short periods of quiet time to embrace new ideas and think straight again. I’m a mother of two boys, ya know!
:: Keeping a solid commitment to myself because like writing, wearing black velvet blazers in the eighth grade, carrying the same bookbag all four years of high school, and serving as the primary caretaker for my children…it was my choice to do so.
So, there you have it- when a convivial woman is brave enough to put herself first, its because she knows the guaranteed effect is positively contagious and beneficial to all those in her life. Give yourself the oxygen mask FIRST, then your loved ones, and be witness to the joy of living that follows.
TweetTake The Stage
What’s the Occasion?
Last night, I made a Ricotta Orange Pound Cake with Strawberries courtesy of the recipe by Food Network star, Giada De Laurentiis. Eager to share this experience, I decided to invite my parents over to enjoy cake and ice cream with my family. Sounds like a party! Indeed, it was. So, what was the occasion? Life. Plain and simple, I had a craving for something sweet, had all the tools and ingredients to create it, along with the best of intentions and love, so I didn’t hesitate to get my hands a little dirty. I took my time, followed instructions, and had faith that my efforts would pay off. And they did! Something as basic as my desire to bake turned into a deeper desire to “break bread” with the people I love. Now, that is an occasion to live for and the very essence of convivial living. It’s merry-making, having a fondness of feasting, drinking, and good company. That was my intention, and therefore my experience last night with the two people who gave me life, as well as the man and two sons who I love and with whom I share every bit of my world. Life is meant to be a convivial occasion, so the next time you think you need a specific reason to have a good time, think again. The occasion is your life and everyone in it. That’s reason enough to put on your convivial party dress (or apron) and get convivial with it!
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