Women

In the midst of change, savor the convivial memories

I hope all is going great in your world and that you are facing each new day with the courage to do that ONE THING that your heart is calling you to do.

Today, my heart has me savoring all the good memories I’ve had in my Dallas home since this is the last weekend I will officially reside here.

I’m still in the midst of moving to Austin. Thankfully, I can say it hasn’t been stressful! Finding a home in our new city is taking a tad bit longer, but I know it’s coming. This delay gives me that much more time to consider all the memories my current home offered me.

Everything is falling into place as we say farewell to this space.

This was the home that birthed the idea of a Convivial Society (in my kitchen as I talked to a dear friend), where The Convivial Woman wrote late into the night (as my hard-working husband and sweet boys slept, the place I had many discussions with hubby about creating our family’s future in Austin, where we made our first attempts at cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners…

It’s where I shared the news and sonogram picture with my husband of our first and second baby, where we enjoyed many playdates and visits from family and friends, where I designed the convivial website with the help of some very talented people, where I hosted one unforgettable brunch for some special women in my garden. There’s so much to remember and appreciate…

It’s easy to look ahead and imagine yourself somewhere new, somewhere different, but there is always something to gain from the moment, the current experience, wherever it is spent, with whomever.

With any big change you make, uncertainty is…certain.

I have tons of questions about this next chapter in my life.

Where will I live?

What new friendships await me?

How will my current friendships hold up with the distance?

How will this town proclaiming to keep things weird nurture my convivial spirit?

How’s it going to feel putting “roots down” finally?
(I was so resistant to doing so in Dallas)

How will it feel being three hours away from my parents
(we’ve always been close)?

Who will help me with my kids when on convivial business and hubby’s not available? (Mom was five minutes away!)

How will my husband and I create more romance in this Texas hot spot?

Sometimes it’s hard for me to settle into the now, but I’m working that muscle right NOW by writing. It’s my version of spirituality…the creative kind. This whole business of “being present” of focusing on the “now”-I say, that’s what you call practicing faith. It’s having faith when you don’t know what is ahead and you don’t have all the answers. It’s a conscious choice to find peace and comfort with what is, right now.

When it comes to what you truly desire, your efforts follow a close second behind.

When entering a new phase of life, sharing your writing, your product, your service, simply who you are with the world, be prepared to feel uncertainty for the details of your path won’t always be clear cut, but you can get clear by cutting all that you know is not serving you or bringing you closer to that ONE THING your heart beats for. Only you know what that is…

The world is full of opinions and judgment and everyone is working to figure out their own way. For that reason, concentrate on yourself and make every effort to live according to that convivial vision only you can have for your life.

Here’s to peace, love, and constant change,

P.S. EXTRA EXTRA: I’m writing a book! I would love for you to join me on this new adventure! Join me on The Convivial Woman fanpage so I can share all the juicy details with you as they happen!

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My dream of 2012 Hill Country Discoveries

As I lay in bed this morning, probably looking like a zombie pooped from the night before, you’d be surprised to know that in that very moment, there are myriad ideas bouncing off the walls of my mind.

I’d just had a dream that I was walking the grounds of a colorful mission estate in San Antonio.

The picture above is actually Bellas Artes with the Iglesia de las Monjas in the background in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato but hey! I’m trying to “put you there.” It seems this picture is what my subconscience drew on for imagery while I slept.

At first glance, the whole place was empty and it was just me and a few other people, including my husband who went venturing off on his own with my camera- the Nikon D5000 one! I was a bit annoyed by that, because I was left to work with a Kodak camera that I once used in 2000 on a trip to San Francisco for my 21st birthday. I wasn’t used to handling this little camera anymore.

When I think about what it feels like to hold my Nikon, it takes both hands to get the right shot and it can feel like I’ve got the whole world in the palm of my hands…or at least an image of it.

So I walked around the grounds of this rustic mission that was built who knows when and I was so impressed with the architecture and the huge bells used to call the faithful, and especially thrilled by the clear blue sky and occasional streaks of clouds that served as the backdrop.

Eventually, there were tons of people strolling alongside me, weaving in and around corners, going up and down iron wrought stairs. The food stands and little trinket shops had opened up for the day.

Soon, I awoke from the dream and began to think about all that is to be for The Convivial Woman in 2012.

With this move to Austin, I see myself discovering a whole new terrain of the state of Texas. Who are the people awaiting me on this new journey?What will I find in this new world I call home? What will I learn about myself and my own pursuit of life, love and happiness?

I’m going to discover all the little things that some might find weird, or not so weird, about Austin. I’m going to go in search of the puffed tacos in San Antonio that my Food Network Star crush challenged on his show, Throw Down with Bobby Flay.

Anyway, that’s what the next year has in store for me and you- discovering Austin, San Antonio, Fredricksburg (the cute little German-influenced town my grandma Lupe always talked about), and the hill country.

And something tells me there’s going to be a more fierce rebirth of my love and appreciation for the Tex-Mex culture (“my people”) in this part of Texas. I see more cumbias, more accordions, more queso (but not too much! This waist of mine is working that muffin top! I gots to control it.) and oh so much more. I can’t wait.

It’s a new dawn…it’s a new day…and I’m feeling (more than) okay.

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CHOOSING (where) TO LIVE: following my heart to Austin, TX

In 2009, I took this picture while showing my husband around Austin, Texas. We were passing through a random neighborhood near downtown and a small sign hanging to the side of this home’s front door caused me to hit the brakes and reverse with tires screeching, saying, “Oh my God, I don’t believe this!” When my husband got a closer look, he was just as baffled. More on the sign’s message soon…

Two years later, I’m here to tell you my family is moving from Dallas to Austin, TX. This potential move has been at the forefront of our dinner table conversation since I first proposed the idea in 2009, so it’s cause for me to jump for joy!

There were many times I thought it might not ever happen

-initially, my husband wasn’t eager about starting over in a new city. Most men aren’t. However, he eventually grabbed onto the anchor I kept throwing out to him from my imaginary turquoise-colored sailboat. You know, the one I’ve yet to buy to set asail on the waters of Lake Travis…it’s on my To-Have list once I settle in Austin. Hey, who said dreams can’t have a domino effect?

Before The Convivial Woman came to be, this space was known as Convivial Society and the mantra I was inspired to live by was

“Know Your Power. Live Your Life.”

For many years, I had this lingering feeling of resistance when it came to settling down in Dallas. Big D was where I was brought by my parents at age 16 to live after my brother started getting involved in Chicago street gangs.

I finished high school here, got my start in Banking while I put myself through college, thus graduating from The University of Texas at Dallas, and I found love and got married here.

I was busy and had my head in a lot of things, but once all those projects were complete, my heart was free to roam.

I acquired many friendships and enjoyed living five minutes away from mom and dad, but still…every time I’d travel, there went that lingering feeling again.

Initially, I wanted to move to San Francisco or back to Chicago, but I allowed outside factors and other people’s feelings to get in the way of my personal endeavors. So, I stayed put. I tried the whole “Change your thoughts, Change your life” mentality and told myself, “If Mark Cuban can make it here, I can too!” But I was lying to myself which only fueled the fire within.

I’d already had my first son, a cute little house and two dogs to call home, but it wasn’t all I envisioned. Was I an unsatisfied, ungrateful woman for wanting more, or perhaps just something slightly different? I didn’t think so.

I was willing to make adjustments and be flexible in my dreaming, but not fully surrender it.

Knowing that I didn’t want to venture too far from mom and dad (for grandkids sake- I know what it’s like to grow up without extended family and holiday get togethers) I decided if there was anywhere in Texas I wanted to be, it was Austin.

I tapped into my 6-year-old little girl’s mind and remembered the hills and winding roads, the sweetest summer time nectarines picked up at H.E.B., the grandeur of the state capitol building, and the feeling of care-free joy when I visited my family in this Texas town. It truly felt like a homecoming for me. Every time. Can’t forget to mention my first tour of 6th street riding on my uncle’s Harley at 16 years old!

Austin reminded me of my family, my roots, something so familiar to me, so I set my sights on her and gathered the courage to tell my hubby.

It was a bumpy ride at first, but I told myself that compromising this feeling would be fatal to my fierce spirit.

There were times when it seemed not worth fighting for, but as I stared out toward my backyard one morning, I remember thinking to myself (just as a tear rolled down my cheek) that I’d be a hypocrite to talk the talk of “Know Your Power, Live Your Life” if I didn’t walk the walk and fight the fight…IF it had to be one at all. It was a true test of will and desire and thankfully, my husband and I made it happen… together. That is KEY.

In the early stages of this dream, when it seemed hard to get on the same page, I once imagined myself driving down I-35 toward Austin, yelling out the window like Winona Ryder in Mermaids, “I wanna lead a violent and exciting liiiiiiife!”- with belongings in tow and hubby tied up in the trunk, of course. There’s a Thelma and Louise aspect to me, but I wasn’t determined to make it happen that way!

Compromises can be made, but when it comes to what makes you happy, if the other doesn’t give you a chance to explore that feeling, then there are other issues to consider between the two of you.

And the compromises have to feel good for both or they’ll resurface in other ways later. So, be true to you and everyone reaps the benefits, even if there’s resistance at first.

So, we’re off to the state capitol of Texas and in search of our next home! It’s bitter sweet to be packing up and a surreal sensation to be the one putting up the “For Rent” sign in front of my house. Kinda felt like I was in an old school 21st Century real estate commercial!

Now, about that sign on a random house in Austin two years ago…

When it comes to listening to my heart and being the one to choose a place where I could feel truly at home, here’s why I believe someone, somewhere, somehow was conspiring in my favor two years ago…it said:

Know your power…Live your life. Indeed.

P.S. What deep desires have you been shoving to the back burner? How badly do you want to taste them? What’s it going to take for you to act on them? I’d love to hear from you!

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6 Convivial Tips To Bounce Back From Rejection

“People will forget what you say, what you do, but they never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou

Rejection…being judged…it happens to us all.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of rejection. Like these moments in particular…

I’m in New York at a conference that promotes authenticity, love, and support for your fellow woman in business. After the first night’s activities, I get invited to have dinner with some women whose work I love and support, then (more…)

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5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression

Hey Convivial world of mine!

It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.

Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.

I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.

Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!

I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own

BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.

Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.

The Scoop on how things went down…low. (more…)

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Behold: The Official Anthem of The Convivial Woman

It’s a great day when you hear a song that touches you, speaks to your heart, expresses how you feel or want to feel.

I’m writing at 6:45am, because 1) I haven’t been able to sleep all night, and 2) I’ve finally stolen time away for myself to share this news:

I’m officially adopting a song for The Convivial Woman!

First, let me tell you which songs it will NOT be: (more…)

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New word for the Convivial Lexicon: Experimenteurship + My Adventures in Life Coaching

“View everything you do as an experiment. The purpose of an experiment is to gather data, to learn something you didn’t know before. The beauty of viewing everything you do as an experiment is that you can never fail. There is no such thing as failure, only opportunity to learn, grow, and renew your determination.” -Susan Page

Recently, entrepreneurial rocker chica, Sally Hope gave credit to @tmfproject on facebook and twitter for saying, “Entrepreneurship should be called “Experimenteurship,” since that’s really what it is.” When I read that line, I could totally relate, because I’m an entrepreneur in my soul and am constantly experimenting. It’s not always easy to give something new a try, let alone tell the masses, “Hey! I’m going to do this,” and then after some time dabbling in it, change your mind.

This new word in my convivial lexicon, Experimenteurship, sparks a memory of the day (more…)

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A Continual Test of Strength: Speaking Up For Yourself

I’m lucky enough to have friends I can look in the face and with whom I can be completely honest.

I’m the kind of personality that doesn’t want to condition people to simply tell me what they think I want to hear.

I want the truth. Even if sometimes it’s not pretty.

For that reason, I use to think that being completely honest with someone, even if what I was saying was hard to handle, was showing that person respect, but not everyone is on the same wavelength. What I continually learn through experience is to

know when to share the truth and when to simply offer love.

I don’t always get it right every time, but my intention is there.

In today’s video, (yes, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a video!) I talk with my dear friend, Nina about this whole business of speaking your truth and letting people know where you stand- politely, of course. We’re all continually evolving and learning, so I hope our discussion serves you well and I encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences on the subject!

We all learn from one another if we’re willing to share.

NOTE: There is a lot of background noise which I tried to minimize with iMovie, but that would’ve minimized our voices too, so please forgive my lack of film editing skills and the background noise and try to focus on us! I’ll get better with time and practice.

P.S. Gotta love those screen shot expressions lol

Convivially yours,

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3 Tips To Fight The Funk

I had plans to visit a friend today, but she was sweet enough to let me know that she was not in the best of moods and wouldn’t be the best of company. How considerate. Really. It is.

I was going to respond via text to lift her spirits with some convivial tips, but instead, decided to dedicate this blog post to her bad mood and give my recommendations here.

Tip 1: Understand and accept that it’s okay to want to be left alone and to express it if you need to.

If the other person on the other side doesn’t understand, well then, I guess they’ve never been in a bad mood before. Do your best not to take it personally and make the situation about your own feelings and emotions. You’ll spare yourself a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.

Tip 2: Go Erin Brokovich on their asses- if you need to.

Or you could just practice going off in the privacy of your own home or in your journal. Expressing yourself by way of cursing can lift your spirits. So long as you’re not the one getting cursed at! Don’t believe me? Read on…

Cursing is a proven way to relieve pain

Yes, proven! Read this TIME Magazine article and be convinced.

I found myself letting some f-bombs explode this morning while talking with two of my dearest friends. I was feeling frustrated and didn’t hesitate to sprinkle in a good helping of the f-word and the mother of all f-words. When my friends validated my feelings by listening, the mood had passed. NOTE: Choose your audience wisely…save this type of free speech for folks who won’t be easily offended or judge your language.

I used to feel guilty that I might sound un-lady-like or that I was giving into a negative energy, but fuck that. I drop ’em like it’s hot now, because it makes me feel tingly where I’m feeling fiery. I’m well aware that these tips may not be for everyone, so if you’re too (fill in the blank) for all this freedom of speech, well, then you can just go and…

Tip 3: Occupy your mind by doing something that you enjoy or you know you’re really good at.

You’ll distract your mind for a good while and even boost your confidence back up, which thus results in a better sense of self and – et voila!- good mood. You’ll be back to good ole you in no time!

That’s all folks! Feel better and be good to yourself!

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Late Night Visions: The Convivial Woman in Me

When I take the time to get out of my head and go deep into my heart’s memory of who the Convivial Woman is in me, these are the visuals for memories that come to the surface:

The caring granddaughter having a laugh on the phone with her 76-year-old badass, take-no-shit- grandfather who stands at 4’11”.

The girl dancing barefoot on the dancefloor to salsa and merengue with hands intertwined with fellow booty-shaking girlfriend or husband who knows how to make it “look like” he knows how to dance salsa and merengue

The cousin who tells the best scary campfire stories, cracks jokes and exudes pure love for her family and feels like a superstar when she’s around them

The wife who will stand her ground and tell her husband like it is when she needs to, then smack his ass ’cause she likes it and knows he does too (TMI? wink wink)

The same woman who will respect the hell out of her man when he stands his ground, puts her in her place, and later returns to reassure her of his love (Ahh…the love quarrel)

The girl who is uncertain about what to do or say to comfort dear friend crying before her; dear friend asks for a tissue and the girl accidentally lightens the mood by bringing the whole roll of toilet paper

The daughter who has the best laughs (shoulders shaking and e’erthang) while people watching with her Dad

The same daughter who can envision tag-teaming with her mother in a wrestling match any day because of their combined ball-busting spirit (NOTE: my feisty mama takes after her father and stands a 4’11” too)

The mother who stands with arms crossed and big smile as she watches over her young sons while they play wrestle or “fence” with the kitchen utensils that go along with the mechanical mixer

The sister who sticks peanuts up her nose on family road trips and freaks out when one gets lodged too far up

The SAME sister who freaks out when her hand gets stuck in pool tables in motels while on family vacation

The young woman who wore fitted black bodysuits and bright red pencil skirts with platform shoes on the sabbath…yeah, I was keeping it holy alright

The woman who brought both her sons into the world with determination and absolute courage and personal strength

The girl who’s a blossoming Spanish (as a second language) speaker and causes a small crowd at the dinner table to laugh when she’s asked her age and she replies, “Diez y Eight”

The woman who plans her exit from a corporate job to write, loses herself, then finds and recreates herself again and again with the help and vision of one word…convivial.

Ahhh…my heart’s memory is a turquoise jewel which has made “breaking night” so worth the lack of sleep. So much more to tap into, but I’ll save it for another day.

Stay tuned this week for the last part to my 3-part blog series titled “Up” Your Convivial Game!

Ciao Ciao Convivial World,

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Farewell Violet Eyes: In Remembrance of Elizabeth Taylor

Wow. She’s gone. Like, today.

I was visiting some friends this morning and popped open the laptop to check on an event we were discussing and BAM, right there on the Yahoo homepage,

Elizabeth Taylor: 1932-2011.

GASP! My jaw dropped and I announced the shocking news to my friends.
Then…a cold chill ran through my body and I had to suddenly hold back a rush of tears to my eyes.

Of course, at her age, it was bound to happen, but it’s still heartbreaking.

Elizabeth Taylor. An American Icon. What a loss.

Farewell violet eyes,

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Convivial Cameo: Karie Hill, Financial Freedom Coach

“There are three crucial types of education: Academic education- reading, writing and basic math; Professional education- the skills to work for money; and Financial education- the skills to have money work for you. Which of the three were you taught?” -Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Today, my Convivial Interview series begins! I’m going to be featuring some amazing women who personally influence and inspire me. You can look forward to these women’s stories of how they’re making tough choices, taking risks, and pushing through the glass ceilings of self-limitation in their minds to create meaningful lives for themselves and others. Stop by each Monday for the next month for all new, inspiring interviews. Let’s get started!

In November 2010, I attended Rich Happy & Hot LIVE with Marie Forleo in New York City and met a beautiful woman from the Chicago area named, Karie Hill. On a break, we got to talk and I asked her about the work she was doing in the world and she said, “I practice Financial Well-being and teach others how to do the same.” As the Chavarria family CFO, an ex-banker-turned-entrepreneur, and Convivial Life Strategist, my eyes lit up as I envisioned the worlds Karie could rock for the better.

Meet the woman behind KDH Financial, Karie Hill

and see why I believe her work can change so many people’s lives, including yours… (more…)

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