My Father The Hero
As a little girl, I didn’t get the experience of being “Daddy’s little girl.”
I can’t remember a tender moment between just the two of us, father and daughter until I was about 18 years old. I don’t recall him ever looking sweetly at me and making me feel special. He only knew to wake up every morning and head off to work to provide for me every day.
He made his mistakes with me, but thankfully, as I became a teenager, I came to understand that it wasn’t that he didn’t care or love me; he simply didn’t know how to express his fatherly love toward me.
Luckily, he loved the hell out of my mother and without realizing, he taught me how a man should love a woman.
HE chased HER. He initiated their love affair. He looked for her hugs and kisses. He left her love notes. He bought her jewelry and left it by the nightstand for her to find when she awoke. He provided for her the best way he could. He introduced her to God, took her and their family together to church every Saturday and held her close when they listened to the minister’s sermon. He never made her feel stupid for not getting a joke—which was many a times. He never went anywhere without her; he didn’t feel it was right. They had their fights, sometimes intense, but he didn’t hold back his love for her no matter what. He accepted her completely, even when she was wrong.
When I was 7-years-old, My father ventured to Chicago to find work and left his family behind until he got settled.
He wrote my mother letters saying how much he missed “her and the kids,” he saved his money and spent 3 months alone to move his family to the Windy City to start a whole new life. I can’t stress how much I admire that move on his part. I remember my grandmother (his mother) and my mother reading one of his letters aloud and laughing about some word he misspelled. I snarled and checked them both by saying, “Don’t laugh at my Dad!” The writer in me could forgive grammatical errors if it was her father.
My Dad had his faults, namely missing opportunities to defend my mother when he needed to. Sadly, it was against his own mother and sister who didn’t care for my mother. Understandly, a tough spot for a man to be in, but not a good enough reason to let his loved ones hurt his wife. Why didn’t they like her? Oh let’s just say my mamasita didn’t take shit. She is who she is, says what’s on her mind, and puts people in their place when they’re out of line.
According to some families, that’s not very lady-like behavior for a wife, or for a woman altogether. Some people expect a woman to just stand by her man and keep quiet, to not question anything or anyone. Some women do, some don’t. Speaking up may have gotten her a bad rap with some, but I think dignity, integrity, and fighting for what is right, or to be, at least, treated right, is worth the trouble. I appreciate my mother for not worrying about the consequences in such instances.
“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -John Wooden
Although, my father didn’t know how to express his affection for me as a little girl, I’m thankful he demonstrated his potential to love my mother. This unconscious act on his part contributed to my self-esteem as a woman.
Recently, I went with my parents to a family graduation party and on the way back, we stopped for gas. While my dad waited by the pump, my mother’s window was down and he casually leaned in to give her a kiss. Witnessing this sort of behavior from him all these years, I teased him by making a sour face and sarcastically asked, “Why do you love her so much?!” My mother smirked and Dad answered, “It’s just how I am, I guess.”
He’s a man of simple words…with loving action to back it up. He’s not perfect, but what man is?
Everyone has the capacity and ability to love, but sometimes don’t know how to show it to their loved ones. Taking the initiative to help my dad learn how to bond with me has given me the privilege to claim a fun, loving, relationship that is full of memories with him.
And when it came to a man loving a woman, he didn’t go by the standard, he set the standard without realizing it. For this and many more reasons, I love and adore my father and couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
Cue the song When a Man Loves a Woman…or the aptly titled movie for this matter.
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Loved this post Cheryl
20 Jul 11
My father was not ever around so I didn’t experience “daddy’s little girl” moments either, and I definitely did not have an example of how a woman should be treated and loved by her man. I’ve had to learn from my personal mistakes in past relationships, books, and from friends like you. So THANK YOU for sharing this beautiful story about your father and reminding me of how I should be treated at all times!! XOXO
21 Jul 11