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Honor Your Space…Yourself
I was listening to life coach, Cheryl Richardson on Hay House Radio today while working on my dream board. The show, “When in Doubt, Throw it Out” talked about the importance of getting rid of clutter in your life and the effects it would have on you physically, mentally and spiritually. I’d been feeling the need for cleaner spaces, order, and happy colors, the need to go from “What happened?!?” to “What’s next?” Cheryl quoted Albert Einstein as saying, “Out of clutter, find simplicity.” As I pondered the quote, I felt grateful for the validation Cheryl’s show offered me in that moment. My intuition had been whispering my underlying desire to clear my space, and even my calendar, and thankfully, I was listening to my spirit’s call for calm. It felt good to know I was on path, working toward simplicity day by day, clearing up space to open up my world for even better people, experiences, and things. Honoring my space means I honor me and everything about me.
TweetNo Slowing Down…
The Bossy Bohemian
Bossy Bohemian…one of many ways I see myself. What’s this alter-ego like? She, well, me…better yet, I view the world with an open, winding, ever-expansive mind. Always questioning, searching for the lesson, the teacher, the meaning in everything. I’m intrigued by and attracted to words like gypsy,vagabond, artist and entrepreneur, but commit to no labels, belong in zero categories. I’m a humble snob. A possible combo in my own little private Bohemia. I pave my own path, make my own judgment of character and circumstances, and choose relationships and experiences that cause my spirit to rise up and say “Cheers.” I shower and choose to let days, weeks pass without razor in hand, giving in to my curiosity to see how long armpit hair can grow. With intention to spoil the man in my life, I slowly and gracefully shave…taking such precious moments to smile and appreciate the sweet, subtle scents of my body while considering all the ways she has worked for me. A simple act of maintenance turns into a moment of gratitude, of being present, which in turn conjures up my respect for the female anatomy, my love for her…for me…for humanity. I am not mistaken for someone who lets herself go. No, I am certainly well-groomed, definitely put together, consciously standing tall before you. I say how I feel, eat close to nature, and love how I look. I dress in turquoise and indigo and know the effects such hues can have on the spirit, how they can penetrate through to my inner being and guarantee a stronger, more confident stride, hence footprint on this round mother of an earth. I’m sassy and compassionate, accepting and kind toward my fellow woman, flower, man, child, creature, land. I say what my tongue craves…motherfucker among the favorites. I dabble in this and that and don’t worry about a profession “defining” me. However, make no mistake about my professionalism. I happily wander, get lost, find my way again, then get lost again, and wander off again. It’s confusing, I know. I am. To you. To me. And guess what? It’s all good. I’ll be misunderstood most times, by most people, and I won’t be liked sometimes, many times, but it’s all part of the game and every new day I get to play, I understand more. Patience and faith are good friends of mine and I continually take risks and step forward into the unknown with eyes wide open knowing the answers await me. Bossy bohemian…it’s my way of being and it gets me through this convivial life. So as I dance my way back into the every day routine of things, I sign off and encourage you to go on with your bad-bossy-bohemian self, girl. We all have a bit of her in us.
TweetThe Infamous Writer’s Question
For as long as I’ve called myself a writer, there is always the infamous question posed by others about my craft, “So…what do you write?” Many times before, I’d draw a blank. What do I write? Is there a name for it? I mean, a specific one? I was being asked to label what I wrote, and I’m not a fan of labels. I felt cornered to give it a name, as if it was the same thing each time I wrote, the same message, the same impact. And it never is. Only now have I figured out the simple truth about what I write and all gratitude goes to Beat generation writer, Jack Kerouac. According to Jack, and now me, “I write how I feel.” Simple and true. However, this answer may not satisfy inquiring minds, but let me continue with what Jack once said: “Write how you feel, because feeling is the essence of intellect, because without feeling nothing can be known…” Jack’s idea can easily transfer over into every day life, as well. Recently, I was reminded by a dear friend that we are here to take nothing away with us; only to experience. As a writer, I am here to experience, to feel all that I can, and to express it in a way that is true to me. I am nothing other than pure energy and feeling in this world.
TweetChoice. Experience. Life.
Everything is our choice…every situation, every person we grant permission to enter and affect our life, is our choice. We choose to be in whatever state of mind we want to be in, and most times, we choose to remain there.
So if it’s a negative or potentially negative experience for you, pay attention to every sign and put a stop to it, leave it, walk away, kill the thoughts you have about it that keep you there, simply change it.
You have the ability and resources to do whatever needs to be done to get to the place you deserve…a state of happiness.
TweetGet Up. Get Out.
Tour The World. Then Recreate It.
20 Ways to Boost Your Confidence
While going through my dusty digital attic of email files, I rediscovered this:
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
20 Ways to Boost Your Confidence
CONFIDENCE … It is sexy, attractive, and alluring to both men and women!
How a person carries and presents himself or herself is a time-tested aphrodisiac. It’s also a quality that both sexes eagerly look for in a long-term partner. Confidence reflects self-acceptance and self-love.
TRUETM Advisory Board member Dr. Ilona Jerabek presents the following tips for building and keeping a high self-esteem. Take these to heart and improve your personal and love life today!
1. Spend some time getting to know yourself.
Use your Advice for Me report from your TRUE Compatibility Test to do some thinking about what makes you “you.” This doesn’t necessarily mean hours of reflection (although some of that is good as well). You can also learn a lot more about who you are by getting out in the world and doing things. Meet people, take up hobbies, volunteer – you’ll discover much about the world and reinforce your own sense of self at the same time. Get involved in your life!
2. Act.
When you’re feeling insecure or doubting your abilities, don’t hide away. Take a deep breath, get out there, and do the very things you’re unsure about … even if you have to start small. If, for example, you want to act in a play, but you’re not sure you can do it, why not sign up for a very small part? You’ll build your confidence.
3. Conquer fear: take risks.
Sometimes life requires a small “leap of faith.” You’ll feel good that you took some risks, even if they don’t always work out as well as you hope. At least you can say you tried!
4. Stand up for yourself.
Low self-esteem often leads to lack of assertiveness; and when we don’t voice what we want and need, we end up feeling worse about who we are. Build your assertiveness skills, and it will get easier in time.
5. Set personal goals.
Decide where you’d like to go, and make a reasonable, yet challenging, plan to get there. Set deadlines and a system of rewards to keep you going. (A goal, by the way, doesn’t have to be a huge life decision, like “become a doctor”. It can be anything you want to have in your life, like “Make one new friend” or “Learn to make jam.”)
6. Learn from – but let go of – mistakes.
Absolutely everyone, no matter how perfect they may seem, messes up from time to time. This is how we learn – like the process of learning to walk as children. If we don’t stumble, we don’t learn how to keep our balance. Keep this in mind as you venture out into the world. Be gentle with yourself.
7. Do things on your own – don’t rely on others to make you feel good.
One potential trap of a shaky self-esteem is dependency on others. The real truth is, if you feel a void inside, no one can fill it but you. While healthy relationships are important for happiness, more important is the relationship we have with ourselves.
8. Don’t compare yourself to others.
You may look at someone and think they have something you don’t, but the fact is they may be looking at you and thinking the very same thing. Someone may be better than you are at tennis, for example, but you can tell a much better joke. Judge yourself by your own standards, for you are unique!
9. Associate with people who affirm who you are.
Do you have toxic relationships with people who criticize you or make you feel small? Take a good look at the people you surround yourself with and how they affect your self-esteem.
10. Learn to say “no.”
You will be surprised how much simpler it is than you think. When you really can’t or don’t want to do something, say so. (In, of course, a polite and non-aggressive manner.)
11. Practice truthfulness.
Avoid white lies. We often fib because we think we are sparing feelings or making things easier, but dishonesty only ends up making us feel bad about ourselves. Don’t present a false face.
12. Practice positive affirmations.
Write down 5 or 10 things you really like about yourself. And next time a negative thought pops into your mind, replace it with something positive.
13. Find things you enjoy.
Whether it’s sewing, drawing, swimming or karate, hobbies are a big self-esteem booster. Even if we are not experts, doing something for the pleasure and challenge builds our sense of who we are.
14. Use visualization techniques.
If you’re anxious or doubtful about your ability to do something (ask your boss for a raise or compete in a marathon, for example), practice visualizing that moment in detail. Imagine yourself pulling it off smoothly. It’ll lower your fear and boost your confidence.
15. Enhance your ability to cope with stress.
It’s not so easy to believe in yourself if you’re stressed out. Develop a repertoire of strategies for calming your spirit and incorporate them into your life as much as possible (like reading a good book, talking to friends, riding a horse or taking a bubble bath).
16. Shun perfectionism.
Interestingly, there is a high correlation between perfectionism and low self-esteem. The more you strive to be perfect, the more frustrated you become when you realize it’s impossible! Be aware of any perfectionist tendencies you have and keep them in check.
17. Make a list of your accomplishments.
Include anything that made you feel good about yourself, without thinking about whether it is technically an “accomplishment” or not. (Your ability to relate to children, your chess talent, the amazing cookies you make, the great short story you wrote.) Refer to it whenever you need a boost.
18. Live in the moment.
The more time you spend dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, the more of the present you are wasting. Life is NOW, and you should get out there and embrace it.
19. Do things for others.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own little world and forget that there are people out there who are in need. Give to others (your time, company, whatever you have to share) and you’ll find yourself feeling better about yourself.
20. Take care of yourself physically.
Eat well, get enough sleep, kick nasty habits and get some exercise. Treat your body like it deserves to be treated!
Not your mind or your body
While working out, I pass the time by listening to the audio book Magical Mind, Magical Body by acclaimed author, Deepak Chopra M.D. As I’m walking up a hill on the treadmill, I hear him say, “You are not your mind and you are not your body; you have a mind and a body and are the silent witness behind it’s condition…” Ever get a moment where you feel the impact of such a realization? I thought, WOW what an effect this could have on a woman struggling with the weight of her physical body or emotional state. As Deepak has said and I want to expand on- get in touch with that intelligent witness of yours. Upon realizing that your body is a field of your own ideas, you’ll soon experience a new outlook on your life and a new body. Be kind to yourself and your body. In the end, that’s what you’re ultimately left.
TweetSonnet XVII – Pablo Neruda
I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
TweetStealing Time
Before I became a mother, I still felt the need to be in many places and serve in many roles for many people, but one thing that I know I’ve always had a strong sense to do is to be there for myself, to make time for me, to love myself in such a way as to make time for my wants, my interests, my needs, etc. Fortunately, I learned at a young age that no one else would do it for me.
As a teenager, I began to travel independent of my parents and never felt homesick. I was on my own and loved the feeling of freedom. Not that my home life was so restrictive, but I just felt this need to be out in the world, running away with the caretaker man, what have you. I knew that when I became a wife, that sense of freedom would not change. My husband would respect my need for independence and space to pursue my interests. Life has certainly brought such a man into my life as well as such experiences. Before I became a mother, I knew that my time would become more important. My child would require my time and attention and I would certainly do my best to make the choices necessary to offer as much of it as possible. I think I have done a pretty good job up to this point and am confident I will only get better with more time and experience as a parent. But before my son came into my life, I told myself that my sense of freedom to be me, to continue learning more about myself and the world and my place in it would not stop just because I now had more responsibilities at home and with family. I would take the time needed for myself when the time came. Guess what? The time has come. I am a wife, a mother, and still an individual woman.
Steal some time away for yourself…there are wonders in the world ready to caress your soul. Being a thief isn’t bad, especially if it causes your heart to slow to a calm beat.
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