Get Your Heart Right
Listening to John Mayer’s song “Split Screen Sadness” and I swear no matter how many times I listen to his music, I always catch new phrases and experience new epiphanies.
I’m thinking about how us humans all struggle to love and be loved.
In Mayer’s song, he sings, “I wish you would’ve fought me ’til your dying day…”
That lyric hit me deep. I think of the times that I have had a disagreement with my husband and when we can’t see eye to eye and how I feel it’s the end of the world- the end to us, yet we always work it out. My feeling that way doesn’t say that my marriage is in peril or near ruin; no, not at all. It demonstrates what I feel I have at stake to lose…a life that I have created with another human being who completes me in ways I know and don’t know yet. He may just offset my imbalance! I hear that lyric and imagine fighting my husband ’til my dying days…I marvel at the beauty and tragedy of such a love. These words come next as the song continues playing…my words…Love can be tragic, but more so is our life without it. I am thankful to have found this love. I wish the same for you and for the world, but there is one key to the search:
You must (MUST) find that profound love within you first…then be willing to give it away. There is no other way.
The Video:
Mature Beauty
Mature beauty stems from woman’s sense of personal authority and the richness of her life. The mature erotic woman possesses the quality of inner harmony that communicates a sense that she is at ease with herself. Obviously she cares about her health and good grooming, but she has clearly found a style that suits her. She exhibits a flair for vibrant and sensual colors, and the cut of her clothing compliments her feminine curves, but does not scream, “look at my body parts.” Most importantly, mature erotic women glow from within. It is this luminosity that is so enormously attractive. Crone women who have continued to grow and are following their personal path of power are truly luminous beings of great worth. This is the promise of mature erotic beauty.
–Source unknown
Tweet20 Ways to Boost Your Confidence
While going through my dusty digital attic of email files, I rediscovered this:
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
20 Ways to Boost Your Confidence
CONFIDENCE … It is sexy, attractive, and alluring to both men and women!
How a person carries and presents himself or herself is a time-tested aphrodisiac. It’s also a quality that both sexes eagerly look for in a long-term partner. Confidence reflects self-acceptance and self-love.
TRUETM Advisory Board member Dr. Ilona Jerabek presents the following tips for building and keeping a high self-esteem. Take these to heart and improve your personal and love life today!
1. Spend some time getting to know yourself.
Use your Advice for Me report from your TRUE Compatibility Test to do some thinking about what makes you “you.” This doesn’t necessarily mean hours of reflection (although some of that is good as well). You can also learn a lot more about who you are by getting out in the world and doing things. Meet people, take up hobbies, volunteer – you’ll discover much about the world and reinforce your own sense of self at the same time. Get involved in your life!
2. Act.
When you’re feeling insecure or doubting your abilities, don’t hide away. Take a deep breath, get out there, and do the very things you’re unsure about … even if you have to start small. If, for example, you want to act in a play, but you’re not sure you can do it, why not sign up for a very small part? You’ll build your confidence.
3. Conquer fear: take risks.
Sometimes life requires a small “leap of faith.” You’ll feel good that you took some risks, even if they don’t always work out as well as you hope. At least you can say you tried!
4. Stand up for yourself.
Low self-esteem often leads to lack of assertiveness; and when we don’t voice what we want and need, we end up feeling worse about who we are. Build your assertiveness skills, and it will get easier in time.
5. Set personal goals.
Decide where you’d like to go, and make a reasonable, yet challenging, plan to get there. Set deadlines and a system of rewards to keep you going. (A goal, by the way, doesn’t have to be a huge life decision, like “become a doctor”. It can be anything you want to have in your life, like “Make one new friend” or “Learn to make jam.”)
6. Learn from – but let go of – mistakes.
Absolutely everyone, no matter how perfect they may seem, messes up from time to time. This is how we learn – like the process of learning to walk as children. If we don’t stumble, we don’t learn how to keep our balance. Keep this in mind as you venture out into the world. Be gentle with yourself.
7. Do things on your own – don’t rely on others to make you feel good.
One potential trap of a shaky self-esteem is dependency on others. The real truth is, if you feel a void inside, no one can fill it but you. While healthy relationships are important for happiness, more important is the relationship we have with ourselves.
8. Don’t compare yourself to others.
You may look at someone and think they have something you don’t, but the fact is they may be looking at you and thinking the very same thing. Someone may be better than you are at tennis, for example, but you can tell a much better joke. Judge yourself by your own standards, for you are unique!
9. Associate with people who affirm who you are.
Do you have toxic relationships with people who criticize you or make you feel small? Take a good look at the people you surround yourself with and how they affect your self-esteem.
10. Learn to say “no.”
You will be surprised how much simpler it is than you think. When you really can’t or don’t want to do something, say so. (In, of course, a polite and non-aggressive manner.)
11. Practice truthfulness.
Avoid white lies. We often fib because we think we are sparing feelings or making things easier, but dishonesty only ends up making us feel bad about ourselves. Don’t present a false face.
12. Practice positive affirmations.
Write down 5 or 10 things you really like about yourself. And next time a negative thought pops into your mind, replace it with something positive.
13. Find things you enjoy.
Whether it’s sewing, drawing, swimming or karate, hobbies are a big self-esteem booster. Even if we are not experts, doing something for the pleasure and challenge builds our sense of who we are.
14. Use visualization techniques.
If you’re anxious or doubtful about your ability to do something (ask your boss for a raise or compete in a marathon, for example), practice visualizing that moment in detail. Imagine yourself pulling it off smoothly. It’ll lower your fear and boost your confidence.
15. Enhance your ability to cope with stress.
It’s not so easy to believe in yourself if you’re stressed out. Develop a repertoire of strategies for calming your spirit and incorporate them into your life as much as possible (like reading a good book, talking to friends, riding a horse or taking a bubble bath).
16. Shun perfectionism.
Interestingly, there is a high correlation between perfectionism and low self-esteem. The more you strive to be perfect, the more frustrated you become when you realize it’s impossible! Be aware of any perfectionist tendencies you have and keep them in check.
17. Make a list of your accomplishments.
Include anything that made you feel good about yourself, without thinking about whether it is technically an “accomplishment” or not. (Your ability to relate to children, your chess talent, the amazing cookies you make, the great short story you wrote.) Refer to it whenever you need a boost.
18. Live in the moment.
The more time you spend dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, the more of the present you are wasting. Life is NOW, and you should get out there and embrace it.
19. Do things for others.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own little world and forget that there are people out there who are in need. Give to others (your time, company, whatever you have to share) and you’ll find yourself feeling better about yourself.
20. Take care of yourself physically.
Eat well, get enough sleep, kick nasty habits and get some exercise. Treat your body like it deserves to be treated!
Broken Heart
I started to listen to Carrie Underwood’s song, Lessons Learned and it made me think about how the only people that have truly broken my heart have been women. I have befriended plenty of women and they have been the one gender I have given my heart and soul to more than men, so there you have the broken heart. Women get into misunderstandings galore and for what? Mostly, I think it’s a matter of unexpressed anger and not our nature. Women are not encouraged to express their feelings when angry. We are known as the nurturing species and have the desire to mend and make better all that is not right. We have the need to talk, to express our feelings, and so when meeting someone, a woman, we look for a connection, a bond, and when we think it’s found or there is potential for one, we open ourselves up. We pour out everything there is inside of us and when heartache occurs, we learn to hold back a little. And if it happens enough, we hold back a lot and offer little to no feeling. But we are a stubborn species too, so we try and trust again, and again and again. Sadly, some women make it to pure bitterness and choose not to make friends with anyone until life sends someone down their path to shake them up a bit, give them a couple of unwanted hugs, some pats on the back, some compliments about how beautiful they look, and they may even just prove to be there when most needed and bitter woman starts to loosen up. Doubt and fear are still key players in the relationship, but without realizing it, they become backups and she begins to warm up to the possibility that hope and love can and do always prevail in relationships. This is life teaching us to stay open, to look for the lessons, to ask for advice when we aren’t sure, to reach out when we feel vulnerable and uncertain about the direction we are going, for whatever signs we need to grow and become stronger. Keep a look out for that woman, or the many women who have your heart, and cherish what they bring to your life. Even if it gets rocky at times, the lessons learned can be precious jewels for you to wear proudly too.
Tweet“What you don’t have, you don’t need it now; what you don’t know, you can feel somehow.” -U2
TweetNot your mind or your body
While working out, I pass the time by listening to the audio book Magical Mind, Magical Body by acclaimed author, Deepak Chopra M.D. As I’m walking up a hill on the treadmill, I hear him say, “You are not your mind and you are not your body; you have a mind and a body and are the silent witness behind it’s condition…” Ever get a moment where you feel the impact of such a realization? I thought, WOW what an effect this could have on a woman struggling with the weight of her physical body or emotional state. As Deepak has said and I want to expand on- get in touch with that intelligent witness of yours. Upon realizing that your body is a field of your own ideas, you’ll soon experience a new outlook on your life and a new body. Be kind to yourself and your body. In the end, that’s what you’re ultimately left.
TweetMake Way for Simplicity
I aspire to be surrounded by clean spaces, order, happy colors and people. I want to look around me and go “Ahh…” not “Ugh.”
So I work at it day by day, because I know the effect of clearing my space will only affect me in ways of making room for better people, experiences, and things to ensure that I am honoring my space and therefore myself.
Out of clutter, find simplicity. – Einstein
TweetBring Sexy & Dignified Back
Are you aware of your own sexuality, your sexual energy? I think that’s HUGE. That plays the role of knowing how to flirt, how to hit the brakes on a guy who always has his foot on the gas, how to decipher and manage friendships with men, how to put yourself first. Do you preserve the best of you for you alone? Are you selective with who you allow to get close to you, touch you, and see the beauty that is your body? What are your thoughts concerning yourself when it comes to how men see you, how you see men, and how does that affect your demeanor when in a man’s presence? How about a man you desire? I believe a dramatic shift needs to occur among men and women; the way men treat women, the way women let them, teach them to treat them. My ultimate desire is to see more women be bold, project strength, act with dignity and demand respect not by literally demanding it, but by carrying themselves in ways that will indirectly attract it. We all have our weaknesses and it’s a matter of confronting our fears, our weaknesses, and getting the practice we need to turn them into what makes us stronger individuals…women. My hope is to see a reincarnation of the dignified woman. She’s in me, in you, in every one of us.
TweetThink Global.
No boundaries. Imagine that.
Can You Say Vagina?
How do you feel about your private part? You know…that place “down there.” Is it easy for you to let the word “vagina” slide off your tongue? How close are you to the most intimate part of your femininity?
I was watching a film recently, V-DAY Until The Violence Stops, which was about the movement against violence against women that evolved as a result of the successes of Eve Ensler’s solo hit off-broadway show, The Vagina Monologues. I wish I could have gone to a show, but at best, I was able to listen to the monologues by audio book while driving my car around Dallas. Occasionally honking at rude drivers while listening to women imitating orgasmic sounds and talking about all the many ways they’d heard their vagina called: coochie, puff taco, chocha, etc. I’m sure you can fill in many more blanks, too.
I watched V-DAY and found myself very emotional and crying occasionally as I heard the stories of women from all over the world experiencing physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse- the most damaging one of all, according to film participant, Salma Hayek. I felt their pain. I felt extremely sad, because women are such beautiful, fragile, and strong creatures, yet that fragility is taken advantage of by many. It’s important to talk about what hurts us, and that is what these women in the video were doing and it touched me. Here is a trailer of the film, V-Day Until the Violence Stops, but if you feel motivated to watch the whole film, do it! There are so many strong women among us needing love and support just as we need it ourselves. Respect and love your vagina, because it is the essence of your womanhood. No one can do anything to you that you don’t allow.
TweetSonnet XVII – Pablo Neruda
I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
TweetStealing Time
Before I became a mother, I still felt the need to be in many places and serve in many roles for many people, but one thing that I know I’ve always had a strong sense to do is to be there for myself, to make time for me, to love myself in such a way as to make time for my wants, my interests, my needs, etc. Fortunately, I learned at a young age that no one else would do it for me.
As a teenager, I began to travel independent of my parents and never felt homesick. I was on my own and loved the feeling of freedom. Not that my home life was so restrictive, but I just felt this need to be out in the world, running away with the caretaker man, what have you. I knew that when I became a wife, that sense of freedom would not change. My husband would respect my need for independence and space to pursue my interests. Life has certainly brought such a man into my life as well as such experiences. Before I became a mother, I knew that my time would become more important. My child would require my time and attention and I would certainly do my best to make the choices necessary to offer as much of it as possible. I think I have done a pretty good job up to this point and am confident I will only get better with more time and experience as a parent. But before my son came into my life, I told myself that my sense of freedom to be me, to continue learning more about myself and the world and my place in it would not stop just because I now had more responsibilities at home and with family. I would take the time needed for myself when the time came. Guess what? The time has come. I am a wife, a mother, and still an individual woman.
Steal some time away for yourself…there are wonders in the world ready to caress your soul. Being a thief isn’t bad, especially if it causes your heart to slow to a calm beat.
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